Story #3: About the boy they told me would be a girl

Let's just start there, shall we?  Let's just start at the very beginning.

Remember my plan, the plan to have four little girls?  They might've been named Meg, Beth, Jo, and Amy in my mind at least.  Christianne came along, just as planned.  And then I was pregnant again, just as planned. 

My pregnancy was uneventful, except that I was considered high risk as with Christianne because of gestational diabetes.  As I think I mentioned before, that meant monthly ultrasounds.  I had ultrasounds just about every four weeks the entire pregnancy, and since we were veterans now at that parenting thing, we decided with this child to learn the gender of the baby in advance.  (We were surprised with Chris, although remember, I had planned to have a girl, so I pretty much knew she would be a girl.)

Multiple ultrasounds.  Multiple echoes of the same verdict:  she's a girl!

I was given a baby shower, with lots of pink, and a pink girly-girl shower cake.  I got lots of dresses and cute little girly-girl outfits.

We had somewhat decided on a name (although not a spelling) ~ she would be Hayley or Hailey or Hayleigh or some variation of that.

Because she was due in May and Christianne had been born in May, it was perfect.  I got out all of Christianne's old baby clothes, washed them, and hung them in the closet.  Everything was sized correctly for the seasons, because, after all, I had planned this.

Often, the big sister-to-be would kiss her baby sister through my belly.  She would tell her Hailey/Hayley/Hayleigh that she loved her.  We had bonded with this new little girl and couldn't wait to meet her.

It was perfect.

My pregnancy began to wind down.  I was tired.  I was emotional.  I was hormonal and ready to be done.  I went in for the final ultrasound before the baby arrived at Kaiser in Lancaster.

The ultrasound tech had no personality and seemed bored with life. (I don't get that - how can you not be filled with awe and wonder seeing these developing babies every day?)  He was a nerdy-looking guy, with blond hair and glasses, and he spoke in a monotone, when he spoke at all.  He went about his business capturing images, measuring, and making notes.  Trying to lighten things up a bit, I asked, "She's still a girl, right?"

"Um, nope."

What?!  Wait, WHAT?

And then this guy deadpanned, "Not unless she grew a tail."

Oh my word.  What just happened?

Now many would think this was just not a big deal, but I lost it.  I bawled.  It *was* a big deal to me.  I felt like, in a single moment, the little girl I had bonded with for months was just... gone.  Remember:  I was emotional, tired, and I. had. planned. this.

I was having a boy?

I had no idea how to be a mom to a boy.  I had never planned for it!  I didn't have boy names picked out.  I hadn't researched circumcision.  I didn't know how to teach them to pee standing up.  I knew nothing.  And I will admit, it knocked the wind right out of me.

I still didn't believe I was having a boy when I was sent to the hospital a short time later to induce labor.  We went through baby name books while I was being admitted, just in case.  (Although I love the name Joshua because it means "the Lord saves," I might not have chosen it if I had known how popular it was.)  And even when that large-headed precious bundle of joy came out of me, my first question was, "Is it really a boy?"

Those dresses in the closet?  Packed back up.  Gifts from the shower?  Returned. 

Man plans, and God laughs.

But He does know best.  He knows better than I do.  His plans are better than my plans, every single time.  And how I love this boy, this man-child of mine who is 16 now, this person who seems to get me, I think, more than the others do.  This boy, who is growing up so quickly and maturing into someone I am so incredibly proud of... this boy is a gift. 

They are all gifts, of course.  But this one is different.  It was wrapped in blue.  It was not what I had asked for, and yet it has brought me more joy than I could have imagined.

Thank You, Abba Father, for this boy.