Pray-er: one who prays?

So I will confess to you that I am really not the best pray-er.

It is very hard for me to be still before God. It is much easier for me to read and be engaged by His Word, easier to worship, but I struggle with prayer.

I lose focus, even when I'm the one who is praying, and especially when I'm not.

Don't get me wrong - I completely understand the importance and need for it in order to grow in our relationships with Christ. But it does challenge me.

A couple of weeks ago Wanda sent me some totally cool thoughts she has been learning as she's been studying through a book on prayer. That's encouraged me to do better, but I still need to get the book.

(Here's something else I will confess. I don't usually read very much non-fiction. At. All. And yet, I find myself in the middle of a couple right now with the prayer book on the list.)

(This is a God thing, people.)

So knowing that I'm not very good at it, but that I want to be... I'll also confess that I haven't been very diligent in keeping the prayer blog updated. I want to do better at that - both by praying more diligently for those requests and also for keeping it up-to-date with - you know - updates.

I'm doing a new study that I think will prompt me one day a week - Thursdays - to spend more time in prayer. (Not that it won't also be done daily, but on Thursdays, a special time of prayer should be happening, I think.) So, with that in mind, I headed over to the prayer blog and spent quite awhile there updating what I could and praying for those I haven't been praying for consistently.

Years and years and years ago I remember reading a story or anecdote on the back of one of our bulletins that spoke volumes to me (and yet...?). In fact, I kept it for many years but right now I don't have a clue what has happened to it. The bottom line is that the person decided, one Sunday morning, to tucker down in her down quilt and go back to sleep, because, she thought, she had nothing to pray for. Despite the fact that her friend's marriage was crumbling. Or someone was sick. Or another person didn't know the Lord.

The truth is, I have so much to pray for that I often get overwhelmed with it all. There are a lot of needs on my prayer blog ~ some small and others life-affecting ~ and that's just *my* blog. The world is a broken place, filled with hurt and sickness and pressure and all sorts of tough situations.

And yet, as a believer, I have access to the Creator of the Universe. Access to the throne of God. Access to the One who loves us, and wants us to come and sit at His feet and spend time with Him.

But access is only good if I take the step to - you know - access it. :)

All that to say that my heart is heavy today for all the requests on the prayer blog. I just got another phone call relating to one ~ Michelle is actually in fear for her safety. Please take the time today to pray. Pray for Michelle. Pray for me to learn how to be a better pray-er. Pray for the needs in your life...

And if you don't have anything to pray for, please hop on over and lift up these needs as well.

xoxo

Homebound

Five and a half weeks ago I stumbled onto a blog that pulled me right in. Two days later I was constantly checking it for news of Stellan's struggle with a heart condition. For more than five weeks I've read the blog and prayed for Stellan and checked reports and prayed some more, and today

Stellan is going home.

He is literally in the air right now, flying home from Children's Hospital in Boston to his waiting family.

He is not completely "healed" - so please continue to pray for him as the Lord brings him to mind... and pray for a safe flight.

Praising God!

Reaching the Boiling Point

"Man, it's boiling out there," Christianne said as she got home from school today after riding her bike.

Later my friend Jessica said the same thing.

Um, folks, it got up to 78 today. Jessica, you are excused as you are a native here, but how quickly my Wigglets have forgotten what it means to be hot. Where we are from, 78 is a nice, perfect day.

It is not boiling.

That reminds me of one day last spring, when we were still fairly new Coloradans. Finally the weather was nice enough for the kids to play outside. (One thing I've learned is that spring is slow coming to northern Colorado.) They lasted about twenty minutes before a friend of J's said, "We can't play out here - it's too hot! Let's go inside!"

Um, yeah.

Gotta take a minute to tell you about the two elder Wiggies. Christianne performed a solo piece (trumpet) in front of a professional musician yesterday. He rated her and offered her an objective critique. Her score? The highest possible: Superior. His written comment? Wow.

Wow!

Josh was one of two students in his school invited to take part next year in a program where they anchor a segment of school news for a local PBS station. They get to to learn about reporting and television production, and we're all excited about the opportunity.

Although I'll admit I told him I wouldn't sign the permission slip if he didn't promise to get a haircut.

I know - manipulation is not the best mothering trait to have, is it?

But what if it works?

Take 2 Aspirin and Call Me in the Morning

There is a bruise on my forehead. It might even be L-shaped.

Okay, there is not really any discoloration. But it is really, really, really sore to the touch.

On Sunday when I was driving down the street toward home, my visor just... shot out and smacked me in the forehead! I had not accelerated or decelerated to cause it to lurch like that; It just... happened.

There might also be a bruise on the top of my head. I don't know because of my hair, of course, but it, too, is sore to the touch.

A few days before the visor incident I was taking a shower and minding my own business when the shower head flew out of its holder and landed smack on top of my head!

I might have shed a few tears. It hurt!

Maybe it's spiritual warfare.

Maybe it's just a fluke.

I don't know, but my head hurts.

This and That and Prayers, Please, for Stellan

Stellan is in surgery in Boston right now as I write... that tiny baby in a very precarious surgery. Please, please pray.

The autism things you see on the blog...? Our dearest family friends here in CO have a child with autism. Stay tuned for more on that in the near future.

Josh competed last week in the State OM tournament. They didn't win, but they had a great time.

I'm still not ready to put away Easter. Nor, it seems, is my church! At home we are still slowly working through our Passion Week devotions and just read about the Crucifixion last night. In church last Sunday they began a short series on the cross as well. I think it's awesome... I am so encouraged by what I have been learning lately.

Here's one tidbit you may have already known. Did you know that if Jesus *had* been handed over to the Jews for execution that He would not have been crucified? The Jews didn't crucify people; they stoned them. Yet even the prophecies in the Old Testament concerning Jesus' death foretold a Roman execution. Jesus knew it, and went willingly to the cross on our behalf.

We had a handful of days of really wet weather. It began raining last Wednesday night and didn't stop until Saturday night. On Friday the rain was even mixed with snow. I love rain but believe me I am over snow when it's the middle of April! But by Sunday we had beautiful, blue, sunny skies. Think we're finally headed for spring? Oh wait, I'm told that *is* spring in Colorado. Ha!

Exciting things are happening as well... one of my "kids" - from the days when I led youth group at Trinity - got engaged last weekend. That makes 3 in the past couple of years; if you count D who was a little bit older when I took over, that's 4 plus 2 babies. Insane. THAT makes me feel old.

And Pop...! Please pray that God will work out all the details as Pop has decided (and no one was more shocked than me!) that he would like to join us here in Colorado. WOW!

And Mom... she is officially retired from her job as of this week... and she is having a milestone birthday coming up soon. How exciting is that?!?

I hope your skies are sunny today, too.

xoxo

Pray

Stellan has been transported by air and ambulance to Children's Hospital in Boston this morning. For more details, see Stellan's blog. Please pray for Stellan and his family. Thanks.

xoxo

I'm Not Ready, part 2

I think I mentioned previously that Ro and I began the week before Easter to go through a series of Passion Week devotions with the kids which were sent to me by a contact through my unspecified business endeavor. (Yes, I know that was an incredibly long sentence and I've read it three times to try to fix it but it's just too late right now to worry much about my sentence structure.) (Oops, there's another one.) (As I just read the first sentence for the fourth time, I had an overwhelming urge to diagram it. Diagramming sentences is a lost art; I don't think it is taught any more at all. But I digress. Badly. Ahem.)

As usual, we are behind. We are currently on Friday ~ Good Friday ~ the day Jesus died.

... which is okay, really, because as I said, I'm not quite ready to let go of this Easter thing anyway.

Tonight we read together part of Jesus's story leading up to the Crucifixion, and God really opened up some gems to us (to me) that I can't help but get excited about. Don't you love that? I've been blessed to have grown up in the church, so I can honestly say I've read this story more than a couple of times ~ but to find new understanding in it for the first time tonight ~ people, that gets my heart fluttering and my feet tapping (and my fingers typing)!

So rather than keep it to myself, I thought I'd share it with you. :) From Matthew 27:15-26:

Now it was the governor's custom at the Feast to release a prisoner chosen by the crowd.

At that time they had a notorious prisoner, called Barabbas.

So when the crowd had gathered, Pilate asked them,

"Which one do you want me to release to you:

Barabbas, or Jesus who is called Christ?"

For he knew it was out of envy that they had handed Jesus over to him...

"Which of the two do you want me to release to you?" asked the governor.

"Barabbas," they answered.

"What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called Christ?" Pilate asked.

They all answered, "Crucify him!"

"Why? What crime has he committed?" asked Pilate.

But they shouted all the louder, "Crucify him!"

...Then he released Barabbas to them.

But he had Jesus flogged and handed him over to be crucified.

Now do you know much about this man Barabbas? Mark's and Luke's gospels tell us that he was a prisoner because of rebellion and killing during his insurrection. He was a traitor and a murderer. This was a notorious man, Matthew tells us, whose crimes were no minor infractions of the law.

As we read tonight, Robert was struck by his name ~ Barabbas. Take it apart and see if it looks familiar to you. Bar is a common New Testament prefix in names meaning son of, and abba means father or daddy, and corresponds to our Heavenly Father.

So we get to this last verse. Pilate gives into the mob and agrees to release Barabbas, and then Matthew's narrative speaks volumes with one sentence: But he had Jesus flogged and handed him over to be crucified.

Have you ever seen The Passion of the Christ? You can love it or you can criticize it and what you thought of the movie itself is really irrelevant. But if you saw that movie, you understood very well what Matthew's audience knew already ~ you understood how horrific it was to be flogged. And I doubt, if you've seen it, that you will ever read that verse again without picturing (to whatever degree your mind and heart will allow) how terrible that scourging was. I'm sure, if you've seen the movie, that you will never forget the scene where Jesus is flogged.

Horrible. Brutal. Bloody.

But if you need a reminder, or if you haven't seen it, allow me to quote my Bible's brief notations on it:

This was done by means of a leather whip that had pieces of bone or metal imbedded in its thongs. It was used by the Romans only on murderers and traitors.

Horrible. Brutal. Bloody.

Hey, did you catch that last part? It was used by the Romans only on murderers and traitors.

Not on innocent men, like Jesus.

Murderers and traitors. Like Barabbas.

So tonight as we read I saw a very literal picture of what it looks like for Jesus, innocent and righteous, to pay the price for our sins. Barabbas the sinner was released. Jesus the innocent was flogged and then crucified in his place.

Barabbas the sinner. Barabbas, whose name means son of the Father.

Did you know that when you come to faith in Christ, you "receive the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father'" (Romans 8:15b)? Son of the Father.

The Bible makes no further mention of Barabbas after he is freed. Who knows what became of him? I like to think, with a name like his, that he repented after seeing Christ take his punishment and became a follower of Christ, but no one knows. But I thought it was interesting - and in no way coincidental - that although we've always known that Jesus paid the penalty for our sins... I thought it was fascinating that Barabbas knew that first-hand, quite literally, very personally.

So call me Barabbas, child of the Father, sinner redeemed by the Innocent One who bore the penalty in my place.

And continue to celebrate Easter with me.

I'm Not Ready to Let it Go Yet

So Easter has passed. We (most of us) went to church in our beautiful outfits and came home to celebrate family with baskets and eggs, chocolate and bunnies, and maybe even a delicious feast nearly on par with that of Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Most of us, I think, enjoyed the day, some even taking time to revel in exactly what it was all about - how life-changing Christ's resurrection is!

Most of us, I think, went to bed content, with happy children and full tummies. Some smiled and looked at their spouses as they said good night and said, "Thanks for a great day."

And then many of us got up on Monday morning and went to school or went to work and Easter was forgotten for another year.

Me, included, in many ways.

But this morning as I sat here I was thinking about that first Easter morning, when Jesus rose from the dead - just as He said - and I was thinking about those hundreds of people to whom He showed Himself, and I thought... I wonder how they could possibly ever be the same? How would they be able to get up the next day and return to the mundane routine of life without being radically different from what happened the day before?

And why should I be any different?

Christ has not showed Himself to me in human form, as He did to those blessed folks after He conquered the grave. But He has shown Himself to me many times over ~ through His Word, through His work in my life, through other people. How can I ever be the same?

So in the days before Easter our family sought to focus on Christ's passion... His sufferings. On Good Friday we pondered His torture and agony - in our place - upon the cross. On Sunday we celebrated with believers across the world His glorious resurrection - which is the power to change our lives forever. And on Monday we returned to the hum drum patterns of our normal lives.

But today, on Tuesday, I am realizing that I don't want to let go of Easter. I want to continue to celebrate His victory over the grave, His power over death, and my salvation through it!

So... I've disabled my playlist for you for a few days, so you can listen to a song by Keith Green. The song is quite old... and you might smile when you see the hairstyles in the video, as I think it's from 1982. But the song is powerful and the message is timeless and I think you'll be blessed if you give it a listen. Turn off the TV ~ give me - give God ~ 7 minutes, and just listen.

He is risen!

He is risen, indeed!

Check It Out, Check It Out

Got a new Easter playlist!

Yeah, But Do You Mean It?

I know I don't post a blog every day, but I do think a blog daily without fail. Sometimes more than once!

And sometimes when I sit down to post it, it just doesn't happen.

And sometimes I thought I did post it and am surprised that several days have passed without an actual post.

But that's me.

There has been much to occupy my time and my thoughts lately:

I cannot believe that Easter will be here in a handful of days. I am *not* ready in the sense of baskets, dresses, eggs, and dinner... but God has been working in my heart and I am SO ready in an emotional and spiritual sense to CELEBRATE the most important event in the history of the world! I attended a business building seminar some time ago for my unspecified business endeavor (although the speaker was in the industry, she was not from our company) and signed up to receive her newsletter. Funny enough, the latest edition was a weekly devotional for this Holy Week. We have been using it the past couple of nights with the kids and that's been a great thing.

My back. Thank you for your prayers. I think I can say today that I am 99% healed. :) I would say 100% but there are moments here and there. Overall though, I am very thankful. Those 5 days of pain, tightness, and not being able to completely stand were awful, and it's such a relief to be "normal" again.

Not that I'm normal.

Stellan. You know, it's a funny thing. It's funny how I happened upon this blog that has lovely anecdotes of many small children as well as stories of faith and testing on the same day that this family began experiencing a health crisis two and a half weeks ago. This family has been heavy on my heart, and I visit the blog often for updates and news. And while I'm there, sometimes I cry with them and for them, honestly, because of what they're going through, but I also always leave encouraged, despite everything they are going through. Stop over there if you have the time, but if not, please at least pray for little sweet Stellan.

My three kids. Joshua's team has been working hard in preparation for the State OM competition coming up the weekend after Easter. In addition, he's doing an Images of Greatness project on the phenomenal George Lucas. (I smile when I think of who he chose. He is such a 9-year-old boy, isn't he?)

Chris is growing and learning and maturing in a lot of different ways... boy, there is a lot of emotion spent when you are in junior high, isn't there? Good and bad. She is learning a lot about responsiblity and relationships and a plethora (that word's for you, Deb) of other things. It's an interesting time for her... tough in some ways and wonderful in others.

And Miss Grace. I asked her today how she spells her name.

She said, "O. B. E. Y."

It makes me laugh so hard because it's like saying I spell my name S.K.I.N.N.Y. Still firmly in her twos, Grace isn't terrible, but she definitely has a will of her own and obedience is... well... let's just say we're learning.

Together.

Because in my nearly 40 years on this earth, guess what? I still, too, have a will of my own and obedience is... well... I'm still learning.

Grace has learned this song at church that she loves to sing, probably because of our response every time: we cheer and clap and call for encores. It goes like this:

O.B.E.Y. Obey your mom and dad!

O.B.E.Y. It makes them really glad!

(Although the first dozen or so times she sang it we would fall into hysterics because she sang mad instead of glad.)

So often Grace will be doing something and I will have to remind her to obey. As my tone of voice gets firmer and sterner she will "get it" and obey me and then, sensing my disapproval at her lack of immediate obedience, she will say, "Can I sing my song for you?"

This has been a pattern for a couple of weeks.

Well, yesterday I was having a particularly challenging morning with all the kids, and it came to this moment. I was frustrated and impatient and my name, admittedly, had just been retracted from the list of nominees for Mother of the Year. (Again.)

Grace said, "Can I sing my song for you?"

I turned away from her, went to the dishes, and said, "No."

She asked me again. Again I said no. And then began the why's. Grace is also in the lovely stage to ask Why? or Why not? again and again and I've found myself by the third or fourth time either retorting "Because I said so" or ignoring her completely. So the rest of our conversation went like this:

"Why not? Mama, why not?"

"Because I don't want to hear it, Grace."

"Why not?"

"Because it doesn't mean anything."

nudge

"Why not?"

"Because you don't mean it when you sing it."

nudge nudge

"Mama, why not?"

"Because I said so, Grace... now OBEY me and go upstairs!"

And interestingly enough, she did, leaving me to stand there alone pondering the meaning of that heavenly nudge on my heart. God tells me to obey, and I do my own thing. Eventually I do, grudgingly, sometimes. And sometimes I don't do it at all. And then I want to come to Him and worship and tell Him wonderful things and then... nudge. Do you mean it, Beth? Do you really mean it?

...

So I didn't really set out to share that with you. I know it kind of disrupts your image of me. But yes, I'm going to be honest: I have issues. I have a LOT of issues. :)

And for today, I'll leave it at that.

xoxo

You'd Think I Would Have Learned This By Now...

You know, child number three, a grand total of nearly 13 years of parenting experience and all...

But I got caught up in Grace's love of all things princess and I spilled the beans. The beans that we are planning to go to Disneyland on her third birthday.

Even though I knew, as the beans were spilling, that Miss Grace, brilliant as she might be, really can't understand the concept of waiting two and a half months to visit the Happiest Place on Earth.

So it's only fair, I suppose, to have to endure the consequences of my spillage... and entertain ~ with great patience ~ the following questions no less than 6 to 8 times a day:

• Are we going to Disneyland today?
• When are we going to Disneyland?
• Can we go to Disneyland now?

... along with the following comments:

• I want to go to Disneyland now.
• I need to go to California now to see the princesses.
• I think we should leave for Disneyland now.

It's only 65 more days, Sweetie.

I Heart My Doctor

(I said that to Chris this morning and she said, "Is she okay?!?" LOL)

Otherwise titled: Road to Recovery

So, I saw a chiro on Tuesday and I was optimistic, but by Wednesday the problem was worse, so I decided to go ahead and see my MD. I got a big shot in the butt of an anti-inflammatory called Toradol and got X-rays. Thankfully, nothing is wrong with my disks or spine or anything. X-rays were tough for me - painful to lay completely flat and to also turn over, but by the time I got back to the room I could feel my back sort of loosening up.

My beloved doctor sent me home with other anti-inflammatories and a different muscle relaxant. I took them both at bedtime and got up this morning... and I feel SO much better. The pain is still there but the stiffness is almost completely gone. I can stand up straight for the first time in 6 days, and I can walk like a nearly-40-year-old woman rather than the 90-year-old with a broomstick up her butt that I was impersonating all week.

Blessed relief.

I can tolerate the pain. I think it will improve as my back continues to heal. For now... I just can't tell you what a blessed relief it is to be able to walk upright like a human being, to wipe my own butt (okay no one had to wipe my butt but now I can do a much better job of it!), to be able to tie my shoes.

Thank you all for praying for me. :) I appreciate it so much!

For you... I have a chuckle:

Lately one one of the kids' channels they have been heavily promoting the addition of JACK BLACK to the Yo Gabba Gabba cast.

(I realize some of you have no idea what anything meant in that last sentence. I'm sorry; this chuckle might not be for you.)

(I frankly do not understand the heavy promotion of it. How many toddlers and two-year-olds know who Jack Black is? They don't care that JACK BLACK is coming to Yo Gabba Gabba, I'm pretty stinkin' sure.)

But anyway, the other day Ro sat down by his poor, decrepit wife on the couch and another commercial came on for the big JACK BLACK thing. Grace was happily coloring nearby and didn't seem to be paying much attention. I said, "Look, Ro... Jack Black is joining Yo Gabba Gabba."

Ro replied, "That's scary."

And Grace chimed in. "That's not scary. That's Jack Black. He's just an old man. He's just like Daddy."

xoxo

Please don't stop praying for Stellan!

No, This is NOT an April Fool's Day Joke

Sing it now, altogether now: This is the way she wipes her butt, wipes her butt, wipes her butt so early in the morning... using the whole roll!

Yep, that's probably the same roll I use to blow my nose. How's that for disgusting?!

Snow Much Fun

Our snow from last week is almost gone now, although another storm is supposedly coming. Last week the kids had snow much fun with it, though: