My one flaw

Right.  You know.  I only have one flaw.  But in thinking about it this morning I was reminded of a certain someone who is very near and dear to my heart, who, when told by her physician to stop smoking said, "But it's my only sin!"

So, assuming that I, too, live in Fantasyland and I only have one flaw, I shall be transparent before you and share it here on my blog.

Occasionally in the past, maybe three or four times that I can remember, around the end of the year or the beginning of the next year, God has laid on my heart something in my life that I need to work on.  Maybe it's because it's the time of year when I do like to reflect on my life, and so I am more sensitive to His prompting or leading in this area than at other times.  Maybe it's because in that reflection I realize He has been trying to get my attention in a given area that I've been resisting for some time.

Anyway, last year it was prayer.  I spent all of January and February working through (reading, thinking about, noting, and seeking to apply) this amazing book by Daniel Henderson called Transforming Prayer.  I loved it.  It really opened my eyes to how prayer (admittedly, a struggle for me) could be dynamic and exciting when based in worship.  I talked about it frequently and I ordered a few copies to give away to friends.

And that was that.

I have (two or three times) gone through a tremendous Bible study on biblical eating.  It makes absolute sense and I believe it to be true ~ that food to me is an idol that needs to be abolished.  Whenever I do the lesson, I sense truth in my heart and a desire to do life differently.  And then I close up the study for the day and move on to the next thing on my to-do list.

And that is that.

I love love love to read and study my Bible.  I was introduced this past year to Kay Arthur's inductive study method and it appeals to my heart so much that it brings genuine joy to me to get out my colored pencils and mark my Bible and make my lists. 

And that's that.

Are you following me?  I have been convicted this past year that I lack application in my life.  Sure, there are certain messages from God that are simply and immediately applied (even some I haven't liked), but the ones that involve true heart change and lifelong habit change - not so much.

And so I am sensing my "theme" for the coming year ~ application. 

What's funny is that in pursuing that character trait of putting into practice what God is teaching me, some of the other things I've yearned to learn (including prayer and self-control and discipline) should flow out of that.

Recently I finished Packer's Knowing God.  (Side note:  my least favorite genre to read is Christian non-fiction, but ... This. Book.  It's tremendous.  I resisted reading it for years and now I wish I hadn't.  It is amazing and the majority of my book is noted and highlighted because there are so many nuggets of wisdom that I need to remember and apply...)  A wise commenter on Facebook said:

Knowledge without obedience (read: application)

just takes up brain space.

Lack of obedience is poor stewardship

of our brain cells.

- TG Rousch, 8/18/15

I confess that knowledge is something I crave.  I love learning, especially learning about God and His Word.  I have several Bible studies going at once, and I love love love to talk about what I am seeing through them.  (Knowledge may be, perhaps, even an idol in my heart.)  But knowledge is different from wisdom, which, I believe, is the application of knowledge. 

Application.  Obedience.  Wisdom.  It's what's for dinner.

From Grace's tournament in November

 

This was a forms event in a tournament in Aurora for elementary kids in northern Colorado.  Grace was a blue belt (just promoted to red belt a couple of weeks ago) and took first place in her group.  Forms is definitely her strongest category of the four main competitive genres (forms, grappling, sparring, and board breaking)  

All is well

I just didn't get a chance to blog last week while I was at work, and at home my netbook does not apparently like me to blog (although I'm kind of wondering if that new router my Ro installed this weekend might help that...)

But we are good, fine, A-OK, and still kickin'. 

Christianne has returned to work at the soup kitchen - I mean - Panera.  They were happy to have her back and gave her a little bit of a raise so that always helps.  She/we is/are currently processing her separation paperwork from the Navy and have quite a bit to figure out over the next few months - including whether or not she wants to go back in or not.  We are moving forward as if that were a yes, but there is still much to determine ~ whether or not she can re-enter as a CTI, whether or not she can get waivers for the items which separated her.  She just returned to work, so we will begin attacking those other things soon.

Master Scott (he is officially a Master, now, by the way, earning his 3rd degree black belt two days ago) has graciously been allowing Christianne to train for free at the dojang until she returns to the Navy.  She is finding that she is loving it, especially sparring, despite the beating (no pun intended) her body took last week.  Her foot was badly bruised and her sternum hurt when she laughed, or ran.

Joshua and Grace are out of school this week, and I dare say I will not likely see much of Grace as she has friends who seem to adore her and keep her for long periods of time.  She, too, has been doing well, scoring first place in forms at a tournament last week, and earning her promotion to red belt after testing last week as well.  She has been studying taekwondo now for about 3 and a half years and this red belt signals a definite turning point as all things now are training for her black belt.  It will be at least a year in the making, probably more.  She is so excited, though, as are we, and we're all very proud.  I will figure out how to upload some video of that in another post.

Josh has indeed earned all the money he needs for his trip to Europe in just a few months.  Actually, if you would, please pray for our boy and the trip and the circumstances in Greece and other parts of Europe that give us a little pause in our excitement.  Josh has worked so hard, and continues to work hard, and has been learning to balance a heavy work load on top of a heavy school load with a little bit of social life and driver's ed training thrown in.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Breckenridge

A week or so ago, my Ro and I got to get away.  We were able to check out beautiful Breckenridge for the first time since we've been to Colorado and stay in a friend's condo.

It was just awful.  Here is her unkempt backyard.

There was nothing really to see, nothing to look at.

 

So boring.  We had to entertain ourselves by geocaching.

OK, seriously, I can't keep up with that because it was breathtakingly beautiful there.  We did geocache, and one in particular took us here.  This is one of my favorite pictures of all time.

And another here.

Perfect weather, too early for the skiers to bombard the little town, time spent with the one I love, what a wonderful weekend.

Oh, we didn't forget to thank our host, either.  She is a Patriots fan.

My girls

Check out the essay Grace wrote while Christianne was in Great Lakes, unprompted.

I love how their relationship has developed.  Christianne is training with Grace in taekwondo now, and last week the three of us had a girls' day out.

Blessed.

Ponder anew

Imagine, if you will, that you are in debt.

I suspect most of you reading are in debt, to one lender or another, or have been, so perhaps you can identify with this little allegory personally, at least to start.

Now let's imagine that this debt is to someone powerful.  Maybe the IRS.  Yes, since I'm a tax lady, let's go with the IRS (although in my experience they are much nicer to work with than the State of Colorado, but that's neither here nor there).

You owe the IRS a lot of money.  More money than you can pay.  It is your fault, for you, perhaps, misunderstood a tax law or misreported an item or perhaps did not plan for an upcoming tax bill.  Regardless, it is ultimately your responsibility, despite the additional charges brought on by penalties and interest.

Now the IRS can do several things to satisfy this debt and to punish you, the transgressor, for getting yourself into this mess in the first place.  They can garnish your wages.  They can put a lien on your home.  And ultimately, you can be put into prison.  Though not a function of the IRS, in some cultures, a debtor could even be put to death!

So imagine that the IRS has had it with you ~ had it with your failure to pay, had it with your excuses, had it with the time it has taken to pursue you to make things right ~ and they decide to take action against you, as is well within their rights according to the law.

And then, just before they come to seize you, someone steps in.  Someone, perhaps you don't even know, someone who steps in and steps up to pay your debt on your behalf so that you can be free.

Such is the heart of the gospel and a picture of it that likely you have heard before, right?  Although no analogy that compares God to man is ever perfect, it does help sometimes to see the transaction of propitiation that occurred when our debt to the Creator God was paid by Jesus Christ.

It is amazing in and of itself, but I want to take it a step farther, because yesterday in my quiet time God awed me with another aspect of the gospel.

Let's use the same example, only we'll call it a bank now, a very large and powerful bank.  You have been a long-time customer of this bank, though not a very good customer, as, like I mentioned before, you have accumulated great debt over poor decisions in your lifetime.  The time comes when the bank decides to reckon with you, to clear up all the overdrafts and bad debt that you have accumulated over the years of banking with them.  It's time to pay up.

Again, the bank has methods they can use within their rights to collect from you.  You are a desperate man, however, and you have no means to pay.  You have just lost your job as a bakery owner, perhaps, or whatever.  Your wife is ill and your children have needs that also are not being met.

Enter that someone who comes to rescue you. 

Only now you stop and ask yourself, "Where did this guy come from?" and "Why would he do this for me?"

And you come to find out, that although you've been a lousy customer of this bank for years, and although the bank has been good to you despite your lack of reciprocity, and even though there comes a time when accounts must be reconciled, this bank still wants to keep its relationship with you.

Mind-boggling in and of itself, isn't it?

And then you discover, that because the bank still wants you to have a relationship with them, the CEO of the bank himself gets involved in your case personally, and he decides that the way to rescue you and keep you part of the bank's family is by calling up his own son, his only son, to step and make way for this to happen.

And he does.  The son comes in, the son pays the price ~ steeper than we can imagine ~ and you are free of all your debt.  And you are still a customer of the bank ~ in fact, you could say, you've even been elevated to preferred customer status ~ actually no, he puts you on the board of directors ~ because the CEO of this bank sent his son to make things right with you.

Yeah, I know ~ those of you who read this blog likely know the gospel already.  But sometimes we get so familiar with things like the gospel that we become desensitized to it.  It should move us every time we consider it that the price Jesus paid for us was death!  And yet we read it, perhaps nod a quiet thanks in our hearts (on a spiritual day), and move on.  But yesterday, considering the gospel and thinking of this bank analogy, helped me to just be amazed that not only Jesus died for me, but that this was initiated by the Father.

In a culture of Go-Fund-Mes and other crowdfunding campaigns, even before such campaigns when fundraising was (and still is) common (although it's like an F-word to me, often, honestly), many of us understand that at times there is something out there that is too big for us to accomplish on our own.  Some are stubborn and dig our heels in, thinking in pride that they can accomplish it on their own.  In the case of salvation, they can't, and other than the realization that they can't accomplish it on their own, even the crowdfunders and fundraisers can't be saved without Jesus, for you can't crowdfund salvation.  It can't be bought.  The price is too high.

But it has already been taken care of.  You call the bank, perhaps, to try to make arrangements one last time.  Maybe you ask, in desperation, "Can you just consider forgiving this loan?"

And the CEO says, "Already done.  Someone already has settled your account.  You are free and we look forward to continuing our relationship with you in the future."

I feel like this is so ineloquently said.  You can't compare the Creator God with a bank CEO, really.  And of course the settling of account wasn't as simple as someone stepping in to make a financial transaction on my behalf.  But the point that I have been "pondering anew" as of late is that God initiated it.  That is amazing.  He initiated it, before I ever knew I needed it.  He initiated it, even though I have nothing really to offer Him.  He initiated it.

Ponder it anew.

In this is love, not that we have loved God,

but that He loved us and

sent His Son

to be the propitiation for our sins.

1 John 4:10 esv

True story, bro

Once upon a time, there was a little girl.  She may have believed that she was a princess, because she had wrapped her daddy's heart around her little finger and made him love her so much that he desired to give her everything her heart desired, and only princesses received treatment like that from their fathers, who are kings.  Sometimes, this granting of desires came much to the chagrin of the mother in the story, who believed that she was a queen (and rightfully so).   One time, for instance, the little princess-girl asked her king-daddy for a pet lizard, and the king-daddy said yes, without ever discussing it with the queen-mommy, who also enjoyed giving the princess-girl the desires of her heart, but would have found the idea of a pet lizard, if it had been discussed with her, bothersome, as the queen-mommy is greatly creeped out by the living creatures on which the royal pet would feed.

Yet, as we all know, the King trumps the Queen, and the royal pet household then consisted of a well-loved dog, a well-loved but also well-hated cat, an interestingly furred guinea pig, and a lizard.

The princess-girl named her lizard Ossey, and though it is spelled with two S's, it is pronounced like Ozzy and he/she/it was so-named because of its bright green hue which reminded the princess-girl of the land of Oz.  Ossey the pet lizard came to live with the royal family free of charge, if one doesn't count the cost of his aquarium/terrarium/tank/receptacle, the dirt and décor of such living quarters, the lamps and specialty bulbs (3?) that had to be purchased to keep him warm enough to survive, and the cost of food.  But the lizard itself was free. 

Oh, I mentioned food.  Let me tell you what the princess-girl's royal pet lizard prefers to eat:  Crickets.  Live crickets.

Now the one creepy crawly thing on the planet the queen-mommy has a problem with is crickets.  Not snakes.  Not spiders, unlike some people we know.  Not beetles or bees or flies or worms.  Crickets.  And now this royal family must regularly purchase a container of living crickets and transport them across town to keep the pet lizard alive, all the while fretting that the crickets will get out of the box in the car (quite possibly causing an accident), or even get out of the box in the castle, or whatever.  Even when they are in the box, or the aquarium/terrarium/tank/receptacle, the crickets can be heard, singing their little tunes that sound like little cricket fingernails on a cricket-sized blackboard.

Thus the royal family lived in this way for a number of months.  The queen-mommy learned to tolerate the creepy beasts, the princess-girl was quite happy (even though you really can't do anything with such a lizard but look at it and watch it shed its skin), and the king-daddy was happy that the princess-girl was happy.  The seasons began to change, and guests came and went as they visited over the holidays, and a new regular routine of life began with the new year.

One day, the king-daddy called the queen-mommy at work to tell her some horrible news.  The top of Ossey's  aquarium/terrarium/tank/receptacle had been pried open by some clawed animal, and Ossey was nowhere to be found!  Surely the culprit was the royal well-loved but also well-hated cat named Velcro, and surely the fate of Ossey the royal pet lizard was Velcro's intestines.

It was terrible, breaking the news to the princess-girl, who cried and mourned the loss of her beloved reptile.   The king-daddy removed Ossey's  aquarium/terrarium/tank/receptacle from its place of prominence in the living room, cleaned it out, and stored it in the basement, until at some point, a new owner could be found to purchase all of these supplies from us for their own "free" lizard.

And then life went on.

For three blessed weeks.

And then one morning, on a cold winter day, as the princess-girl was getting ready for school, she walked to the window to check the weather outside.  As she approached, she could see something on the cold window sill.  Something dark and gray.  Something lifeless and bloated.  She screamed, horrified.  It was Ossey. 

The princess-girl was so emotional she was unable to go to school.  That evening, the princess-girl led the royal family in a memorial service for the poor pet.  She gave a eulogy.  Her older brother performed an interpretive dance.  Her older sister played Taps.  The entire royal family, the queen-mommy and king-daddy included, joined together to sing Ossey's favorite song, Joy to the World.  Ossey lay in a make-shift Nike box coffin, and the pall-bearer king-daddy carried it to the frigid garage, because the ground outside was too frozen to bury him.  It was a somber evening, and all in the royal family went to bed with quiet hearts.

In the middle of the night, or the very early hours of the morning, before the sun was up and while she was in a deep, deep sleep, the queen-mommy was awakened by a loud whisper and a nudge.  "Queen-mommy!" king-daddy said as he shook her awake.  She looked at him, and truthfully, king-daddy looked crazy.  His hair was standing up and he had the look of a crazy man on his face.  "Queen-mommy!" he said, "Ossey is ALIVE!"  And with that the eyes of king-daddy grew big and full of wonder.  "What do I do?!" he said.

Apparently the king-daddy had had trouble sleeping, his thoughts going back to Ossey and the princess-girl all night long.  He pondered the fact that Ossey had not, in fact, been eaten by the falsely accused loved-but-hated cat.  He wondered where he had been for the past three weeks to suddenly show up in the royal window sill.  He considered if the lizard had died by the hand of the cat, as thought, or for lack of food or warmth.  For some reason, the king-daddy crawled out of bed and went downstairs and into the 10-degree garage.  For some reason, he found the box with Ossey in it and opened it, staring down at the lifeless reptile.  And for some reason, he thought, "I wonder what would happen if I splashed a little water on him?"

And so the king-daddy took the lifeless lizard into the kitchen, and indeed splashed a little water on him, and ~ oh my word ~ the lizard was alive.

The princess-girl rejoiced the next day when the king-daddy shared with her the news, following a Bible story lesson on Lazarus.  She smiled from ear to ear as she renamed him Ossey Lazarus, and she sang this little song:

It's a miracle kind of day

Pets come alive and say, "Hey!"

The king-daddy reestablished the aquarium/terrarium/tank/receptacle.  A new claw-proof top was purchased.  Fresh crickets were acquired.

And they all lived happily ever after.

I had me an epiphany...

These are a shadow of the things to come,

but the substance belongs to Christ.

Colossians 2:17 esv

Beginning the very afternoon that Christianne flew to Great Lakes, Robert and I made sure to have our phones constantly at our sides, always charged.  We had learned that we would never know when she might call, and even though we were told to not expect a call for several weeks, we still hoped for one every day. 

(Although we also hoped NOT to have one, as we were told that "no news is good news."  Such a strange dichotomy.)

And beginning just a few days later ~ although we knew better ~ we began to watch the mail for anything from our daughter.

It took about a week to receive our "kid in a box" and form letter detailing her address and all that good stuff.  From that point on, we became obsessive (okay, honestly, I will go ahead and throw him under the bus:  ROBERT became obsessive) about checking the mail, two / three / four times a day, always in hopes of receiving a letter from our Nina. 

Those letters were treasures!  Sometimes we would gather Grace and Josh together and read them aloud.  Sometimes it would just be Ro and I when they arrived and we'd huddle together on the couch to "spend time" with our girl.  She is such a great writer, and her voice came through the page and it felt like she was right beside us.  She would share her frustrations and challenges, her questions and concerns, and funny stories that made us laugh out loud.  A day that ended with a letter from Chris was a mighty fine day indeed.

Last Monday ~ what a blessing last Monday was to us, because, as you know, we got to go pick up our sweet girl from the airport and bring her home.  (It is bittersweet, for sure, because as much as we longed to have her home, we would have rather missed her as she finished her training in Great Lakes.  Knowing that she is planning to re-enlist, however, makes it okay.  For now, she is with us, and we are grateful.)

Last Monday we picked up our girl and hung out at the mall... Our girl needed some retail therapy as she was having withdrawals from not having worn makeup or jewelry for the past 35 days.  She shopped, she laughed, she shared, she smiled, and I couldn't take my eyes off her.  Was she different?  She seemed the same?  Taller?  Heavier?  Was that really my girl in those grown-up Navy sweatpants with the 50-pound backpack on her back?  She hadn't been in training for the past three weeks, so I didn't really expect her to be different, yet I just couldn't stop staring at her.  She's my girl.  She was home.

We enjoyed a fantastic dinner (did she eat that much before she left?) and headed home.  It was a good day, but a long one.  Everyone settled in ~ Grace getting ready for bed; Josh doing homework; Chris checking out her "compartment," newly dusted and vacuumed and with her "rack" already made, no doubt enjoying the fact that she was the only one in it.  Ro went down to check the mail, and we had letters.  Letters from Chris!

He told me about the letters and set them on the table.  We got busy with getting ready for bed and such, and eventually went to bed ourselves.  We were into the early afternoon of the next day before I realized we hadn't even opened the letters!

It struck me right then... the letters that we longed for, that we looked forward to over the past several weeks... the letters were just shadows of our girl... The letters were a wonderful way to stay connected to our daughter... but they weren't our daughter at all.  Once our daughter was home, the letters, although still enjoyed and treasured ~ the letters just didn't mean the same.  We didn't need the letters anymore.  We had Chris!

Are you familiar with what the Bible teaches about the shadows of things that merely point to Jesus?  The Feasts the Israelites observed were shadows (Colossians 2).  The Law was a shadow (Hebrews 10:1).  Jesus is the true and better Adam, the true and better Abraham, the true and better Moses, the true and better David, the true and better saving ark, the true and better sacrificial Lamb.  All of those things ~ and more ~ point to Jesus the way those letters pointed to Chris:  but the true and better Jesus is, well, truer and betterer!

We have Jesus. 

Just ponder that thought for a moment; let it sink in.  We have Jesus. 

We have Jesus.

Nod to Timothy Keller / Porterbrook re "true and better"

My girl is home

And it's been a pretty awesome week.

 

Doesn't she look amazing?

 

Yeah, I know.  Josh is weird.

 

Took the younger Wigglets out of school to meet our Future Sailor at the airport.  What was the first thing she wanted to do?  Go shopping for make-up.  We spent awhile at the mall, had a great dinner, and headed home. 

 

My heart is happy.

 

 

{I apologize for not being on this past week.  I don't want you to think I've flaked out again on blogging.  What I've realized over the past several months is how good blogging is for me, and I enjoy hearing back from you readers as well.  That said, my netbook at home doesn't like to blog much, so when it allows me to, I can't post pictures and it uses funky formatting.  SO... now you know.}

45 more hours

I can't remember how old I was when I bought my first 33 1/3 rpm LP at Gemco, on Avenue K in Lancaster, but I remember the record section of that store (actually I have a lot of memories of that store), and I remember what it was:

Shaun Cassidy, Born Late.

The record came out in 77, but I'm sure I was older than 8 years old when I bought it, I believe, with my own money.  Like 12 or so.  And I remember listening to it after I had my own bedroom (which was formerly my mom's and dad's, until they build the room addition).

Isn't it weird how you can recall lyrics to songs you haven't heard in years and years and years?

I'm listening to it now, actually, thanks to modern technology and the wonders of the world wide web.

But there's one song from this album ("Carolina's Comin' Home) that has actually been in my head all week.  Change the name of the girl in the song to Christianne, and the chorus is just about perfect:

Christianne is comin' home, she wrote me a letter

Asked me if I loved her or did I forget her

Nearly broke my heart when I said good-bye and kissed her

Christianne is comin' home, I know that I missed her

We have heard more from her in the last two days than we have in the 32 since we've seen her.  What a gift.  Today we actually got a normal conversation, rather than a quick, informational brief.  This journey has been crazy.  I'm not sure where God will take us from here, but for now, I am sure glad that in about 45 more hours, I'll be able to wrap my arms around my baby girl and hold her tight.

Consider the lilies

The owners of the retail center in which our tax office is located are really great at keeping flowers out front of the businesses and such.  At Easter time, they gave each business in the center a potted Easter lily.

As tax season grew to a close, the lily in our office began to look as we were feeling. :)  Our office manager asked if I'd like to take it home and plant it for next year, so I did.

Honestly, I don't know anything about planting things.  Everything I've ever planted, truly, has ended up dead.  Robert enjoys gardening and has had some success, especially with his raised vegetable garden (anyone need a zucchini?), but our grass never looks great; the peach tree that we planted with Pop and for Pop has died; the plum tree has died; the tree that came with the house in the front yard is just about dead; and pretty much every plant ever given me has not survived.

Still I brought it home, and with no expectations whatsoever, gave it to Robert to take care of.

Truthfully I didn't even know that he had planted it in the ground.

We have had a beautiful summer this year, with a little (or a lot, depending on who you ask) less rain than we usually get over the summer.  It hasn't been California-style hot, but has generally been pleasant and uneventful.

So this lily... this EASTER lily, mind you... well... see for yourself:

I carpooled with a couple of girlfriends to Bible study this week, and in the car, I said, "So, I know nothing about gardening, but I would think since an Easter lily is called an Easter lily, it should only bloom around Easter time.  Do they ever bloom in late September?"  Both my friends said together, "No!"

When we returned, I saw the lilies blooming and pointed them out to my friends.  They were both astonished by it.  The original lily is dead, really, at the base of the plant, but there are six or so heavy new blooms.  They are absolutely beautiful. 

My friends seemed to think it could be some kind of sign or something from God, certainly a blessing at least, as this is most unusual.  I'm not sure what to think about it.  This week marked the change of seasons into fall, where (what I do know about plants!) flowers and trees pretty much wrap it up for the winter.  Certainly our little family has been in a season of life that has felt more like fall than springtime.  So what do you make of this spring flower blooming here at the beginning of fall?

This is my Father's world

The birds, their carols raise,

The morning light, the lily white

Declare their Maker's praise

- M Babcock / P Mickelson

Humbled, buoyed, and blessed

It is crazy to think that it has been nearly two weeks since we've heard that Chris is being sent home, and nearly four weeks since she's been gone in all.  This military machine is bigger than I can understand, composed of millions of parts, and movement, therefore, is small and slow.  Did that make sense to you?  It did to me.  It means we are still waiting, still trying to be patient.

I have been ~ nay, WE have been ~ comforted in many ways in the past two weeks.  We still have our moments of full-on emotional brokenness, much of which I think will be healed when we can finally wrap our arms around our daughter and remind her face to face (perhaps reminding ourselves, too) that it really is going to be okay.

Two different friends recently reminded me that

... the God of all comfort,

Who comforts us in all our affliction,

so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction,

with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God...

2 Corinthians 1:3b-4 esv

... that God comforts us.  We have found comfort in a myriad of Scripture verses shared with us; we have been comforted by so many friends who have reached out to us; we find comfort in knowing that many more people across several states have lifted our family up in prayer.  I have been ministered to by music (most recently Mandisa's "Stronger" and Steven Curtis Chapman's "Glorious Unfolding" ~ you should definitely check them out if unfamiliar, especially if you are in a time of difficulty) on the radio and music that lifted my heart in worship.  I have been encouraged by messages both preached from the pulpit and taught among a few hundred other people.

When you stop to think about it, it's actually quite amazing, really.

I will share that, based on the few letters we have received, I am not sure that Chris is feeling the same level of comfort.  I will humbly ask that you will "turn up" your prayers for her especially.  She is very alone, despite being in a barracks with over 100 other girls.  She has been attending chapel and praying... but I am praying that God will send a supernatural peace to envelop her so that she can not doubt His presence with her.

Recently I shared how worshiping God in a time of broken heartedness really drew me close to Him.  I was reminded that this week when I read some thoughts of Charles Spurgeon.  He calls it contemplation of the Godhead; I call it worship.  Regardless, check it out:

No subject of contemplation will tend

to more humble the mind, than thoughts of God...

But while the subject humbles the mind, it also expands it...

Oh, there is, in contemplating Christ, a balm for every wound;

in musing on the Father, there is a quietus for every grief;

and in the influence of the Holy Ghost, there is a balsam for every sore.

Would you lose your sorrow?  Would you drown your cares?

Then go, plunge yourself in the Godhead's deepest sea;

be lost in His immensity;

and you shall come forth as from a couch of rest,

refreshed and invigorated.

I know nothing which can so comfort the soul;

so calm the swelling billows of sorrow and grief;

so speak peace to the winds of trial,

as a devout musing upon the subject of the Godhead.

(Charles Spurgeon via Knowing God/JI Packer, p.18)

 

My friend lost a child once, a few years ago.  I didn't know her then; in fact, it happened almost a year to the day before I met her.  She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, who then went home to Jesus just days after her birth due to a heart condition.  She came through that heartbreaking event feeling, as she puts it often, "humbled, buoyed, and blessed."

 

That phrase has stuck with me over the years that I've known her.  And certainly, separation from the Navy is nothing compared to the death of a child.  But that feeling, I can recognize it now.  It's a feeling of knowing that you're being carried in the arms of Jesus, supported by other believers who, flawed though they may be, hold you up in love and comfort.  What an amazing blessing that is, and people who don't know the Lord don't have it nor will they understand it.  I'm praying that Chris will feel it, too.

 

This friend ... I should tell you more about her some day because she made an amazing impact on my life in such a short time.  But today I'm just going to embrace that phrase of hers, because it's exactly how I am feeling right now as well:

 

Humbled.  Buoyed.  And blessed.

Have you met my brother?

Today marks the third anniversary of when he was taken to prison, an American citizen, on foreign soil.

He has been beaten, tasered, and known far more physical abuse than I could even begin to claim. 

His health is not good.  He has been denied treatment on numerous occasions.

His crime?  Confessing Christ.

The Iranian government has recently threatened that if he does not deny Christ and return to Islam, more charges will be added to his current 8-year sentence. 

Today, on this 3-year anniversary, people around the world are coming together in prayer for the release of Pastor Saeed Abedini.  Will you join us?

For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ

you should not only believe in Him

but also suffer for His sake.

Philippians 1:29 esv

 

For I know that through your prayers

and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ

this will turn out for my deliverance.

Philippians 1:19 esv

Good article - http://aclj.org/persecuted-church/three-years-later-pastor-saeed-remains-in-chains-for-Christ

Please pray for our brother, Pastor Saeed ~ for his release, his health, his ministry, his family.

Please pray for the persecuted church as a whole today.  We are very insulated in our comfortable (even though it may be changing) U.S. of A.

Please pray for revival, for boldness among Christians.

Please pray for a focus on God, on His plan and His work in this, His, world.  Pray that we will not be so egocentric that we miss the bigger picture. 

However God leads, please pray.

Mom didn't get the joke

Over the summer a family joke was begun by Joshua and is heard at our house just about every day.  "Good news, everyone.  Grace got the joke!" or, "Bad news, everyone. Mom didn't get the joke."

Unfortunately, this week we had some bad news, and even more unfortunate than that, there was no joke to get.

Christianne is being processed out of the Navy due to medical issues. 

It has been a heartbreaking few days since we got the news on Wednesday afternoon.  There is a lot of pain, disappointment, discouragement, and confusion ~ even some anger.  I am mostly confused because I just really believed God was in this plan for her.  Why take her so far to send her home now?

Funny enough, Robert sent me a devotional on Tuesday based on this verse.

He is not afraid of bad news.

Psalm 112:7 esv

And when I woke up on Wednesday, I had a knot in my belly all day that felt like anxiousness, even though I didn't think I felt particularly anxious.  Bad news, everyone.  Mom didn't get the joke. 

It was Christianne who called that afternoon. Imagine it.  Such excitement to see a Chicago number show up on my caller ID...  such excitement to hear her sweet voice say, "Hi, Mom."  And then a feeling like being punched in the gut as she told us the news.

It was a crazy 24 hours.  We have been trying to process all of it, as I am sure she is.  Many tears were shed ~ are still being shed.

On Thursday, I headed to Bible study.  A familiar song came on the radio ~ "After All" ~ and I felt compelled to just turn the volume all the way up (I'm an old fogey and I rarely like my music loud) and worship Him.  A second song came on and I did the same.  By the time I got there, although I was still very emotional, I felt a peace come over me.

Someone (it might have been Angie Smith) once said (after hearing news that her child wasn't going to live) something to the effect of, "The God I worshipped before I heard this news is the same God right now after knowing this."

God is still God.

On Thursday, she called again while I was at Bible study.  Ro spoke to her this time, and said she sounded better.  That said, she might remain in Great Lakes up to 20 business days!  Wow.  Hoo-stinking-yah.

But during the study, God brought another verse to my mind.

Though He slay me, I will hope in Him.

Job 13:15a esv

This morning, as I thought about that initial devotional Robert sent me, I looked up the actual verse.  In its entirety, it says:

He is not afraid of bad news;

His heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

Psalm 112:7 esv

So there you have it.  I am confused and hurt and about a hundred other emotions, but... BUT... God is still God, and I will still hope in Him.  I will still trust in Him with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding.

God is still God.  He is still the same God. 

Navy boot camp fun facts

(Yes, yes I did:  I put the words fun and boot camp into the same phrase.)

To get from Camp Moffett to Camp Porter at RTC, recruits march under the main road through a tunnel singing verse one of "Anchors Aweigh."  They sing the second verse when they go from Camp Porter to Camp Moffett.

Each division generally contains 88 Seaman Recruits.  Each division trains with a brother division, so by the end of boot camp, our SR should know very well nearly 200 new people.  In Christianne's training group, there are 9 divisions, so her graduation will have up to 792 sailors.

Barracks at RTC are named after ships.  Christianne is housed in Ship 11, also known as USS Kearsarge, which is actually named after four ships (which are in turn named after Mount Kearsage in New Hampshire).  The first was a sloop of war from the Civil War era.  The second was a battleship (BB-5) that served in both the first and second world wars.  Two aircraft carriers also shared the name, though the first (CV-12) was renamed USS Hornet; the other (CV-33) served in the Korean and Vietnam wars.  A Wasp-class amphibious assault ship (LHD-3) currently bears the name.

American hero Danny Dietz (Lone Survivor) was sworn in to the United States Navy from the same MEPS center in Denver in which Christianne was sworn.  His parents donated his medals to the MEPS and the ceremony room where recruits take their oaths is now dedicated to him.  Pat Tillman was also sworn in at the same MEPS.

(I'm not sure why that picture won't come out any larger.  Sorry.  I will work on editing it so if you'd like to see it better, be sure to check back.)

This video is a little long (24 minutes or so) but is a wonderful overview of what boot camp is like:  Faces of Boot Camp.  Definitely worth the time.

Hooyah! 

DOT 1-3

I found out that today Chris is on DOT 1-3, which means Day of Training Week 1, Day 3.  I was a little surprised that she isn't a little farther along than that, but she is still in week 1 of her training.

It's only been 11 days?

It feels like it has been several weeks, at least!

Christianne ordered each of us a gift to be received after she arrived at boot camp.  Each gift was perfect for each one of us.  The Wigglets were first.  Joshua got a Lego minifigure of a Sailor.  Grace got a Navy camo uniform for her American Girl doll, complete with boots and hat.

A few days later, Robert got a t-shirt.  It says, "The only thing tougher than a Sailor is her dad."  I think he wore it four days before he finally took it off.  (And now he is wearing his other Navy t-shirt.)

Grace said, "Let me get this straight.  I got a gift, Josh got a gift, and Dad got a gift.  Everyone got a gift but you."  Typical DiMeglio comment. 

But mine came Thursday, and it means so much to me it almost hurts.  It is a beautiful silver necklace with an anchor, her birthstone, and her name.  This isn't the best pic because of the lighting, but you should see how beautiful it is.

Yesterday I spent the day going through all the things Christianne had decided she no longer wanted when she cleaned out her room.  It was bittersweet.  Lots of memories among these things.  It just made me miss her that much more, I think, but I am so proud of this kid and what she will do. 

I just sit here, though, and think about her.  I try to imagine what she is doing at this moment.  It's cooler there than it is here right now (it has been very similar every time I've checked).  Is she at lunch?  Is she wearing her PT clothes?  Have they issued her cammies yet?  Have they issued her a jacket?  (It's only 55 degrees there right now, and rainy.)  Did they give her several pairs of chonies?

I wish they had webcams at RTC.  But then I would probably NEVER get a thing done.  But wouldn't it be cool? 

We are already beginning to make travel plans for her graduation.  After all, we only have 7 more Fridays!  At least football has begun to help pass the time.  Go Broncos!

... and He will make straight your paths.

Many of you have received this update by text; sorry then if much of this is duplicate information.

You know, by end of day Tuesday, I was beginning to feel a little hopeful that the Lord had worked out the medical issue, since we had not heard back from RTC.  As every hour passed, I had this strange dichotomy of emotions ~ that A) no news was good news, but B) the military can be very slow and waiting is part of the process.  So, as I would begin to feel hope, I would also get a nauseous knot in my gut every time Robert's phone would ring.

But, after two full business days now, we have heard nothing more from the RTC.

I hesitated to write this post yesterday, because of {B}, above.  I asked the Lord if He had answered my prayer.  I didn't want to announce that God had answered, only to be disappointed if a call did come.  Again, He simply brought to mind Proverbs 3:5-6, and I was reminded that in those moments of doubt and hesitation, I was not fully trusting Him.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6 esv

So, today, I am trusting that He HAS made her path straight.  I am believing that when the Navy says, "No news is good news," that the waiting game of the past six days has resulted in exactly that ~ good news.  I am trusting in Him and believing that He has answered our prayer.

To God be the glory, great things He has done!

Week 1 at RTC

Yesterday was an eventful day in the life of the parents of our Seaman Recruit.

 

It was the first business day following the long Labor Day weekend.  Christi's neurologist from that incident a couple of years ago returned our call and let us know he was in the process of faxing his medical statement and records to the RTC.  We have not been called again by the RTC since their initial call on Friday, so we are trusting that everything is okay.  Over and over we are told that no news is good news. 

 

Shortly after his call, we received The Box.  If you read the article about what happens in the first 24 hours at RTC, you know about this.  We had expected it and prepared for it, but it still made me a little emotional.  It contained her clothes, including the cute little "Navy seal" t-shirt she had just bought at the Aquarium (it says "Nautical but Nice"), her shoes, her Navy backpack and toiletries, and sadly, her wallet.  It had been emptied, and I was disappointed to find out that the one we were sure met their criteria was rejected.  The little note of encouragement I had slipped in her wallet was in The Box as well.  :(

 

BUT we were greatly encouraged later that evening to receive The Form Letter!  I knew it would come soon, but not knowing if the medical issue had delayed her processing, I wasn't expecting it quite this soon.  The Letter contains her expected PIR (Pass in Review, ie, graduation) date ~ 10/30 ~ and her mailing address, and it was addressed in her newly-learned block printing.  :)  This morning Robert and I went to the post office together to mail her our first letters.

 

Since I haven't heard from her directly yet, I do not know where exactly she is in her training, but I kind of suspect that her actual training week began this week.  (The first several days are called P-days, or processing days, and the number of them can vary depending on the number of incoming recruits and divisions formed.)  She also did not get holiday routine for Labor Day. :(

 

These are some of the things I've found she will be encountering during Week 1 of her training.  It would be awesome for you to pray specifically for her as she masters these new challenges.

~  Learning how to fold and make bunks the Navy way.  Bunk and locker drills.  Inspections.

~  Physical training begins.  Physical fitness pre-test will be taken at the end of the week.  (Pray specifically for strength and no blisters!)

~  DEP advancement test.  This is an optional test that she can take if she chooses (we have encouraged her to, but she was not confident she would pass) which would immediately bump up her pay grade.  It covers everything from ranks, types of ships and aircraft, and more; all of this information was given to her in a folder she has been studying from since she signed up.

~  Further medical tests, including vision, dental, blood work, urinalysis, vaccinations, etc.

~  Further stamping of all personal belongings and clothing with her name and last four digits of her SSN

~  Studying and lectures from the Training Guide.

~  Sunday will be holiday routine from 0700 to 1300.  She can attend chapel, write letters, practice or study what she needs to, and rest.  Following that time, they must clean their compartments, have dinner, and attend more lectures.


Eight more Fridays ~ 50 days until we see our girl again.

Source:  navydep.com

In all your ways, acknowledge Him...

On Monday the 31st, we drove Chris to the recruiter's.  They took her to Denver and checked her into a hotel.  We ended up meeting up with her down there and got to spend the afternoon and evening with her.  It was really nice and relaxing ~ we went to the nearly empty Downtown Aquarium, had dinner at the Hard Rock Café, walked around the 16th Street Mall a bit, and finished up with desert at Yard House which is inside her hotel lobby.


But let me back up a minute, because just minutes after she checked into the hotel, God blessed her.  Or us.  Or both.  As she was checking in, another young lady was checking in as well.  Turns out this girl would be her roommate for the night.  She, too, was shipping out the next day, and she, too, would be doing CTI.  That's pretty amazing, frankly.  In northern Colorado, Chris didn't know anyone else shipping the same day, and she had yet to meet another CTI.  This girl was from Alamosa, and, assuming everything goes normally over the next two months, they will go through boot camp and then on to Monterey together.


Tuesday was a tough day.  It was a lot of waiting at the MEPS, and waiting, especially for something like this, tends to cause anxiousness.  We arrived around 9 as we were told her swearing in would be around 10, yet it actually didn't happen until noon.  Still, those hours next to our clearly nervous little girl who didn't get much sleep the night before were precious to us.


Obviously it was hard to tell her good-bye.  I am told that she will be a different person when we next see her at graduation from boot camp, all for the better.  I am looking forward to seeing her mature and, I pray, gain confidence in herself.  I have a general idea of what happens each week in boot camp, and I will share as it comes up.  Right now she is still in "processing" as far as I know, and her actual training has not yet begun.  Although it may have.  I really don't know!


{Here's a creepy thing I wish was available.  I wish the military would let the recruits sign up on some sort of website that would allow us parents to check in and just see their status - where they are at in processing or training, etc.  Just knowing that simple piece of information would set my mind to much greater ease.}


This is an excellent article on what happens the first day at Recruit Training Command.  It also adds to the significance of the following details, I think, because if you read it, you will find that recruits do not to get to sleep until their second night there.


Okay, here's where the story gets good again.  :)  Are you ready for this?


On Wednesday morning, I woke up, and Robert asked me how I slept.  I said, "All right, although I woke up a lot.  Must've been 6 or 7 times.  Each time, I just rolled over, said a prayer for Christianne, and fell right back to sleep.  How about you?"


He said he experienced the exact same thing.


Came downstairs to find Mom sitting on the porch.  I asked her how she slept.  She said she kept waking up all night, but each time, she would just pray for Chris and go back to sleep.


Isn't that amazing?  I felt like our baby girl was covered in prayer all night long.  She wasn't allowed to sleep, and we were able to support her throughout the night by lifting her up.  On the way to the airport, Mom and I were talking about it again, and Mom said that it was like when the two guys had to hold up Moses's arms while the Israelites were in battle:

So Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought with Amalek,

while Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill.

Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed,

and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed.

But Moses's hands grew weary,

so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it,

while Aaron and Hur held up his hands,

one on one side, and the other on the other side.

So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.

And Joshua overwhelmed Amalek and his people

with the sword.

Exodus 17:10-13

Even better ~ when I shared this story with my friend the next day, she too, told me that she was up at 4:30 in the morning with Chris on her heart, and was praying for her at that time as well.  I figure that was about the time I finally settled into some good sleep, and it encouraged my heart to know that others were also praying for her as she worked her way through the processing system at RTC.


Many, many people are praying for her, even today.  I dare say maybe even a hundred!  It is humbling and amazing and fills my heart with joy all at the same time.  God has her.  She is His, and I can trust Him.

His

I am writing this on Saturday, September 4.  I am not sure when I will post it.

It has been an insane week, folks.

You know, you become a mom for the first time... you figure things out.  You eventually settle into a groove, where, although you don't know everything, you are confident in your ability to figure it all out.  You add a second child, a third... there are challenges here and there of course, but after 19 years go by you think you've got this parenting thing figured out.

As Chris began her journey into the Navy just last June, there was so much to process.  I spent many hours on a wonderful website called Navy for Moms, where I gleaned a ton of information and found a great deal of support.  I was about as ready as I could be for her to go into the military.  I knew what would happen for our final good-byes; I knew about The Box that would be sent home a few days later; I knew things that even Chris didn't know.  I am very grateful.  As you know, I like to know things.

But do you know what never occurred to me?  What 19 years of motherhood had NOT prepared me for?  My first little bird leaving the nest.

I mean, if things go the way we plan, except for visits, she's not coming back.

I don't know why this failed to occur to me.  It didn't occur to me when she cleaned out her room a couple of weeks before, loading bags of items to be donated or passed down into my room to deal with.

I mean, I knew it.  I just didn't get it.

After 19 years of parenting, after potty training and school-beginnings and adolescence and proms, after drama and busy-ness and teaching, after scrapes and bruises and a couple of broken bones, after camping trips and non-camping trips and new houses and new friends and new church families, after some tears and even more laughter... I was not prepared for this.

On the day that Christianne was born, my water had broken early that morning and we got ready to go to the hospital.  As Robert worked with getting the car seat installed in our Geo Metro (why didn't we figure that out beforehand?), I gathered my things up and I had this realization that I have never forgotten:  We were leaving there as a family of two, and when we returned, we would be a family of three.

That's how it was this week letting her go, only in reverse.  August 31 began with five of us.  It ended with only four.

The past couple of months have been a bit surreal - we had our last camping trip together, our last day of church, our last dinner as a family.  It seems kind of somber, and it was, but it was a good thing, too, in that it made us intentional about knowing that our time was short.  What a blessing to know that - to be able to mark memories as they happen. 

I heard this week about a man who lost his young son in a drowning accident.  I have a friend who lost her young adult son in a motorcycle accident, and another whose son was killed in a train wreck.  How thankful I have been to at least know that our time together was coming to an end... for now at least.

I have to acknowledge that we are in a time of uncertainty.  You probably know that Christianne's processing is on hold until they can resolve a medical issue from a couple of years ago.  As much as I wish she were still here, I don't want her to be here!  :)  I believe that God has been in this plan from the beginning, but even if I was wrong and this isn't for her, I believe that He holds her, and He has her best interests at heart.  He has plans for her ~ a plan for her welfare and not for evil, a plan to give her a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11)!

I am praying.  I am choosing to trust.  Every time I have a moment of panic I am claiming Proverbs 3:5-6 as my own:  I *will* trust in the Lord with all my heart.  I will *not* lean on my own understanding.  In all my ways I *will* continue to acknowledge Him, and HE WILL make straight our paths.

I want to be like Miss Clara.  (Go see War Room.)  I want to cover my daughter in prayer and trust God. 

I have another vivid recollection from the day I brought Christianne home from the hospital.  We were renting a little tiny guest house on the back of a farmer's property at the time.  It was so quiet out there, but very small.  I rocked Christianne in my new rocker in this back bedroom that was mostly used for storage, and I prayed.  I thanked God for this child, and for the love that filled my heart for her that was more intense than anything I'd ever known.  I was thinking about how God gave up His only Son for us ~ and I couldn't comprehend it.  I asked Him, "Please, don't ever ask me to give up my daughter."

Selfish.  Understandable, perhaps.  As a parent, what on earth could hurt us more than losing a child?  I can't imagine anything.  But I have had a peace over the past week that has helped me to let her go a bit ~ an unshakeable knowledge that she is not mine, but His.  As much as I love her, He loves her more.  As much as I want to fix things, He CAN fix things.  As much as I want this for her, He wants what's best for her, which is something I may not even know.

So, during this long holiday weekend, we wait.  It would be very unlikely that we hear anything this weekend anyway, and we are praying that we hear nothing on Tuesday, or Wednesday, or Thursday as well.  No news is good news, they tell us.  I will be like Dory from Finding Nemo and I will just keep swimming.  The emotions that we have dealt with over the past seven days have been nothing short of overwhelming ~ fear, sadness, pure joy, delight, pride ~ but I am thankful that I have the King of Peace to hold us as we wait and see what happens next.