Chapter 16: Settling in

Looking back at my notes, I am surprised at how crazy those first few weeks were.  I think in a sense, it is kind of like having a newborn - much of the first few weeks slowly becomes a blur as time passes quickly.

We had several bumps those first few weeks, but we definitely had a lot of happy smiles as well.

Of significant note is that Charlie began seeing his brother George again the following week.  Mrs. Weasley and I came up with what I think was a brilliant idea - and it was quickly approved of by Charlie's therapist. (She was very supportive of a natural setting rather than a clinical one.)  We decided to do "fly bys" - where the boys would see each other at church, greet each other, see that all is well with the other, and give a hug; then we would sit apart from each other at church so the boys would not fixate on each other.  We would see how that plan went for a little while and then gradually extend their exposure to each other.

We have been doing these fly-bys nearly every Sunday since early November.  We have had two or three bumps, which the therapist attributes to triggers from Charlie seeing George, but those were early on, and otherwise it's been relatively uneventful since.  It's an interesting relationship.  Charlie loves to see George and give him a hug, but then he is perfectly happy to move on and sit with his own new family.  George was so little when they separated that I'm sadly afraid that his connection is not as strong - but he does enjoy seeing Charlie each week.  Hopefully soon we will be able to transition to longer exposure times.

Another little bump - I got my hand slapped a bit at his school for handing out birthday party invitations.  I hand-made some TMNT invites for a handful of friends, but of course, since I wasn't inviting the whole class, I wasn't allowed to invite only a few, yada yada yada.  Yes, I get it, but that hasn't been an issue with my kids in years.  Apparently his school is different.  How I wish I could invite the whole class!  But come, on - you know that isn't realistic.

I went to the school secretary, though - and explained my dilemma.  "This kid has NEVER had a birthday party!"  What was I supposed to do?  And she quietly emailed me personal addresses and phone numbers for the few kids on his list.  Sweet heart, that one. 

Over those first two weeks, I also had my first IEP meeting with his school (quite overwhelming, to be honest), a dentist appointment, and we decided to begin a family therapy program to hopefully help with bonding and discipline and such.  Charlie got to attend his first father/child event with Grace and Ro at Grace's school, and he is OVER THE MOON to have joined the "chest" club at school.  I'm not sure he's all that great, but he LOVES Wednesdays, because Wednesdays are Chess Club days.

Busy, busy.  It hasn't slowed down yet.  Fast forward to today - 3 1/2 months in - and we still have aggravating days, days where he pushes buttons and tests boundaries.  Days where he's flat-out rebellious and we are stinking tired.  But when I step back from it and look at the big picture, I like to focus on the way he loves to cuddle into my lap to be read to.  I like to think about when he calls from another room, "Mama?" and when I say, "Yes?" he replies, "I love you."  I love when he tells me I'm his favorite mom ever and that he loves us so much. I love to hear him pray every night, "Thank you, God for letting us have FUN." I hate it when he speaks of his biological dad.  I love his dark eyes and his sweet smile, and despite the training that needs to happen, I love his desire to please, and I see his desire to be wanted and loved and treasured.

As he should be.