I'm sad today.

Heavy-hearted.  Hurting.

(I know Jesus is in control of all of it.  I know He has me and the people involved in His hands.  I know He brings comfort.  But sometimes life - and death - is just hard.)

I have a close friend who is with her father, sitting beside him and waiting, just as I waited next to my grandfather's bedside, for him to pass, five years ago today, for what it's worth.

- - - Wait - she just texted - maybe he'll pull through! - - -

I found out yesterday that two boys Grace used to study taekwondo with have both lost their fathers.  These are boys around Grace's age - now boys to be raised without fathers.

And they weren't just tragic freak accidents, not that that makes it any less hard.  One was by suicide, just a few days ago.  The other was involved in a shooting a few weeks ago.  My heart just hurts for these families.

And though I didn't know him personally, my heart hurts for the family of little Noah in Tennessee.  He'd been missing about a week ~ no foul play, just simply toddler energy and playfulness.  That sweet face... I've been praying for him.

I'm literally teared up sitting in my little work kiosk inside a WalMart right now.  My heart just hurts for these people and longs to hug on the ones I love.  We just take so much for granted!  We are impatient.  We miss opportunities.  We are lazy and self-focused.  We are always in such busy seasons - we wave good-bye and rush out the door - and who knows?  Who.  Knows.

Who knows.

Here we go, yo...

2016 is back upon us.

Mom and Deb are back in California.  Have been, in fact, for nearly a week.

Robert and I are back to work. 

The younger kids return to school tomorrow.  Joshua resumed his ukulele lessons today and finished his driver's education instruction.  (Next step:  DMV for test to obtain his permit.)  Grace has been studying all Christmas break for a spelling bee when she returns to school tomorrow.  She has mastered all the words through 5th grade, and probably 90% of the words for 6th grade, most of the words for 7th grade, and about half the words for 8th grade.  We are really proud of her.

The oldest kid has been working and pursuing taekwondo, earning her yellow belt over the Christmas break.  She has yet to land on a plan for her future, but has been thinking about things.  Prayers are appreciated for wisdom and direction.

I make resolutions.  I know most people poo-poo it but I think it is good and healthy to assess your life here and there (I usually do at the beginning of the calendar year and the beginning of the school year as well) and make goals.  Sure, I fail a lot, but is that any reason NOT to strive for better?

So I have two floating around in my mind, not counting the spiritual goal of working on application as I mentioned in my last post.

First, I want to read more, and specifically, more Agatha.  I've long wanted to read all her published works in order, and I've yet to do it.  She has published more than 80 novels, so it is highly doubtful I can cover all that in a year, but I'm going to shoot for about half in 2016.  In addition, I'm reviving my Dear Agatha blog to help me stay on track.  (The linky is on the right of this page.)

Probably more importantly, I have a health goal, the first real one I've made in years.  Sure, every January, most "fluffy" people think in their heads that they'd like to lose weight, but this one is serious.  Weight loss may or may not follow ~ but the real goal is to get my blood glucose figures into target range.  They have not been where they are supposed to be for a long time.  I had a little bit of a "wake up call" discussion with my doctor last month.  It's time to do something.  Seriously.  So I've been working on baby steps with that for about a month now.  My numbers are improving, but I still have quite a ways to go.

You, faithful readers, are granted permission to keep me accountable.  :)  For both goals!  A healthy mind - one stimulated even by fiction writing, much more valuable than Facebook reading - is as important to me as a healthy body.

What about you?  Any goals for 2016?

That girl, today

This is about the fourth  seventh time I've started this post.  Technical issues abound.  Agh!  And I was gone a few days while we took our last camping trip with Christianne.  Thanks for your patience!  Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

I have so many thoughts in my head right now that I don't know where to begin.  Whenever I have a glimpse of Grace doing something wonderful, which is often, I am amazed, especially when my thoughts are reminded of that first bump in our pregnancy. 

And she is pretty amazing.  She has studied taekwondo now for three years and has earned a high blue belt and has a goal to be a black belt before she's 12.  She is intelligent and witty, and developing very nicely in our family's love language of sarcasm.  She is her sister's mini-me in several ways, takes after her brother in others, and still is her own unique little person.  She is charming.  Polite.  She loves the Lord and loves to sing.  She will belt worship songs from the top of her lungs whether watching her guinea pig in the back yard or sitting on a boulder on a camping trip or in the front row of church.  She completely changed our lives and I can't imagine life without her.

I adore this little girl.