I remember how I felt the last few weeks leading up to the births of each of my children. That feeling, every morning, that came with the first thought: Will it be today?
That consuming thought, looking at the date on the calendar, feeling a little apprehension but excitement as well, wondering if it would be today, tomorrow, next week? Are we even close?
That's kind of the feeling here these past few days. Will it be today?
I've had a number of people remind me lately that it's so funny how sometimes we go out of this world in the same way we came in: unable to feed ourselves, unable to speak; unable to use the toilet; wholly dependent on others. As Pop sat in his t-shirt and "diaper" the other day and I watched Mom spoon applesauce into his mouth, I couldn't help but make the comparison. She did the same for each of my babies, the last just a few years ago.
And this morning I had that thought and anxiousness again: Will it be today?
We are waiting... waiting for Pop to depart this earth and leave his corrupted body behind for the heavenly body and rewards that await him in heaven.
We are waiting for him to die.
I wonder, if, on the other side as they call it, in heaven - are his loved ones experiencing that same anticipation? Are they wondering if it will be today? Are they looking forward to his arrival as we looked forward to the arrival of each new babe here?
I hope so.
And as hard as it is to say good-bye, of course, I am, in a strange way, as excited for his departure of this earth as I was for the arrival of each of my babes.
Sounds kind of awful when I say it out loud though, or put it in writing. But the older I get I guess the more I understand how precious is our hope in Christ... how this earth, this life... it's just not what it's all about. Being with Jesus is what it's all about.
So I'm sorry if you find this offensive. I don't want him to go any more than anyone else, because I love him and have been blessed beyond measure by him in my life. But he deserves more than this... He is ready for his reward and to be with His Lord.
Still waiting...
Lord, I wait for You. You will answer, Lord my God. Psalm 38:15niv
6 comments:
I love you Beth.
it does seem odd...to be able to pray someone home. we just did it for w's brother in law's mother. she is home now. is pops ready? give him permission. tell him it is okay to go and that all his loved ones INCLUDING his Jesus is waiting for him. if you are ready.... will keep you and the family in prayer. you are right...it is like birth ....just as hard. love you much...and so much more.
I love you, Dad.
@Geo - yes, we are all ready, including Pop. He has been told by several that it's okay... that people are waiting for him - Gram, Kyle, his mama, his brothers, and of course, the King of Kings.
A few days ago he said he wanted to go home. I said, "Home to Jesus?" He answered heartily, "Yes!"
Thanks for praying, everyone.
I understand exactly how you feel, Beth. As much as I miss my Grandma, and I miss her everyday, I was happy when the Lord released her from her decaying body. So, as I read this, crying of course, I too will ask that Pop go home to His Jesus and His loving arms. May the Lord bless you and your family, Beth. I love you all.
Beth, I can totally understand how you feel. It is awesome to have that kind of faith to know Pop will be moving on to glory! Love you all! XXOO
what an amazing post. thank you for sharing. i'll be praying for you and your family.
-amelia
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