Chapter 6: Further heavenly encouragement

The following Sunday, Pastor Aaron was back in Judges again, teaching about Gideon, when the Lord spoke to my heart one of the strongest messages of confirmation yet.

Josh was at work, Grace at a sleepover.  Christianne, Robert, and I sat in our usual front row, right side.

Aaron spoke of how an angel came to Gideon, who was so fearful of his enemy that we was threshing wheat in hiding.  That, folks, is hard to do.  "The Lord is with you," the angel said, "O mighty man of valor."  Interesting.  Gideon, a mighty man of valor?  Gideon, who is threshing wheat in a winepress so as to avoid the Midianites?  Gideon, of the weakest clan of Manasseh? Gideon, the weakest in his father's house, a mighty man of valor?

The angel and Gideon continue in conversation, and Gideon is called to save Israel from the Midianites.  He would be their hero, sent from God to rescue and restore, unlikely as he was (have you noticed how often God chooses unlikely people to do His work?).  His first task: to demolish the altar to Baal and the Asherah pole, representing the pagan worship practices of their enemies.  He obeyed, but he did so at night, because he was still afraid.

Aaron drew out three principles that so moved my heart.  Honestly, Chris and I were in that front row with tears flowing down our cheeks, both feeling in our souls the confirmation that God is moving us intentionally toward parenting our Charlie.

1.  When God calls us to do something crazy,

something hard, something terrifying,

He promises to be with us.

2.  When God calls us to do something crazy,

something hard, something terrifying,

He will equip us to accomplish what He has called us to do.

3.  When God calls us to do something crazy,

something hard, something terrifying,

courage is not the absence of fear,

but acting in faith despite our fear.

Pastor Aaron and his family are doing their own starfish thing, actually.  Through a series of unrelated events, he related the story of how one in our church body also stepped out in faithful obedience to reach a troubled family where the mom is addicted to drugs and has a toddler.  Their small group sought to meet the family's needs, and Aaron's family has taken in the little guy as a foster child while Mom seeks to get her life back in order and Dad is contacted and pursued as a possible permanent placement for the little one.  They have had him nearly a year now. 

Aaron related several instances of people in our church bravely walking in obedience, but at the mention of their starfish, Christianne and I connected our personal dots and began to cry.  A good cry.  A cry of overwhelming emotion that the Lord would speak directly to our hearts for this specific situation.  Our God - Creator and Ruler of the universe - has time for us, time to meet us where we are, to encourage our hearts, to give us direction, and to give us confirmation.  It was amazingly beautiful.  It was one of the most touching moments I've ever had in church.

Following the service, Aaron happened to meet up with Robert in the bathroom.  We hadn't told Aaron about our calling, our starfish journey, but he'd heard, probably through the Weasleys or their lifegroup leader our ours, although he didn't know the details.  He stopped Robert right there, right in the stinky men's bathroom, and prayed with him for our obedience, for our courage, for the process, for Charlie's heart...

He will be with us.  He will equip us.  And we can act in faith and obedience even though this is the scariest thing we have ever even considered doing.

As I'm writing, this verse keeps going through my mind:

And I am sure of this,

that He Who began a good work in you

will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 1:6 ESV

Chapter 5: The Lord Who heals

About the same time that we met the Dursleys, we received a report of Charlie's "trauma assessment" from the county.  It was beginning to feel as though every few days we learned more of his history and therefore how it related to his challenges today.  This was sobering information, and hard on our hearts.  How could it not be?  But we had other things to consider - namely our own little family, and how this would impact our children, particularly Grace, being only 10.

But God has been gracious in encouraging us.

That same weekend we went to church, our hearts pensive and cautious, heavy with the things we had learned.  We had a guest speaker and he taught from Psalms, rather than our current study in Judges.  Now, if you know me, you know that I am an avid note-taker during sermons, mostly because it helps me stay focused.  But since we had a guest speaker, since we weren't in our current series, and since I had heavy things on my heart, I didn't take notes that Sunday.  I didn't even listen much, to be honest.

But I did hear one thing, perhaps the thing I was most meant to hear. Our speaker began to talk about some of the Hebrew names of God and how those names reflect His attributes and character.  He mentioned two in particular - Jehovah Jireh and Jehovah Rapha.

Jehovah Jireh - the Lord who provides

Jehovah Rapha - the Lord who heals

It was the second that moved my heart.  I was reminded that our God is a healer.  He *is* Jehovah Rapha, the Lord Who heals.  He heals our hurts, He heals our diseases, He heals our broken spirits and restores us to Him.  He is a God of healing and restoration!

And our little boy is in need of this healing.

I will hope and pray for God's miraculous intervention in healing our Charlie.  I will pray that as we give him permanence and unconditional love, that he will be surrounded in an environment that is soothing to his soul.  I am asking God to heal him so that he can have a full life of joy and health and peace without being haunted by what was done to him.  And I am asking God to heal him quickly.

But I am not naïve.  I know that sometimes God works quickly and miraculously, but more often He does not.  His time frame is certainly not mine (or else He would have already returned, to say the least!).  Sometimes He works healing out over time, sometimes with time alone, sometimes with professional help.  This healing process with our Charlie may take - will probably take - years.  I'm praying it's quick.  I'm praying it's a year or less.  But I'm quite aware that it may take years.  It may take a lifetime.

And I'm also aware that sometimes we don't get complete healing while we are on this earth, that healing comes fully only by standing in the presence of God.  And I'm okay with that, too - because still, the Lord heals.  And my job in this process is to point Charlie to Jesus as long as I'm able to, so that he will know the Lord as his healer, be it here in our home, later in life, or as he stands with Jesus in eternity.

Jehovah Rapha - the Lord who heals.  Will you pray that Charlie comes to know God in that way?



(The picture is a page-in-progress from my coloring book.  Charlie loves to color, too.)

Chapter 4: The Dursleys

It was early in September when Ro and I met the Dursleys.  Now, if you are familiar with the Harry Potter series, please know that I mean NO disrespect when I refer to Charlie's current foster family as the Dursleys.  It just fit, seeing as they "fostered" Harry, and I needed another fictional name for the story.

I was able to speak with Mrs. Dursley on the phone and get a little bit more information about Charlie.  It was a good conversation, but what pleased me the most was the text she sent me shortly afterward:  I'm excited that Charlie will be going to a Christian family; that was very important to us.

Robert and I met with the Dursleys in person a few days later.  Over coffee, we heard more of Charlie's story.  Folks, I've got to tell you, much of what we have heard about Charlie's history is jaw-dropping horrible.  It is so hard for me to comprehend how someone could do what was done to such a little, little boy.  An incredibly cute little boy, for what it's worth.  Although I do believe that some of what he experienced was due in part to lack of means and possibly lack of education of his parents.  But really, it's unbelievable.

What I love about the Dursleys is how absolutely open they have been with us.  They are extremely forthcoming and very honest.  They want us to be completely informed as to what we are getting into, what his current needs are, his current challenges (behavioral and developmental), and more.  They have shared some of their frustrations with "The System" as well as pointing us in some directions to receive more support and resources.  They have made themselves extremely available to us, answering all sorts of random questions at all sorts of times, and have bent over backwards to facilitate a visitation schedule with us so that we could begin building a relationship with Charlie before he even knows we intend to be his forever family.

For that I am thankful.  They aren't the perfect family; who is?  But they have given the last two years of their lives to provide for this little boy and it seems as though he has made tremendous strides in that time.  I am thankful that *my son* had a stable, secure environment to protect him for the two years before God called us to parent him.  (Although, granted it could have been less than that had I listened to God some time ago - har har.)

It would still be another two and a half weeks before we would even meet Charlie, but already our hearts were becoming soft toward this little guy.

Chapter 3: August

I will be honest. 

I am overwhelmed by this process.

There is so much to do, so much to learn.

There is no wonder that this is normally a 4 to 6 month process.  But since we are on the "fast track" to give this little guy a home, we are doing much of the certification process concurrently.

I am overwhelmed by the certification process itself, although I think we are on the downhill slide with that.  We have finished classroom training on trauma-informed care.  We have taken our first aid and CPR class.  We have been fingerprinted and are ready to submit our cards (with payment, of course) to the CBI this week.  We have begun our home study with about 4 hours (so far) of interviews and discussions with our caseworker.  (I'm guessing we have at least 6 more hours of that to go.)  We have completed pages and pages of paperwork, much of it redundant.  We have all been checked out by our physicians for our medical waivers.  It seems to me that what remains - at least to be certified foster care providers in our county - is to complete the home study and some online training.  (One could argue that I could be doing that right now, instead of blogging...)

I am overwhelmed by the people involved in this process - only a handful of whom I've met:  our caseworker, Charlie's caseworker, Charlie's guardian ad litem; Charlie's SAFY; Charlie's physician and therapists; Charlie's teachers / school personnel who are working on a plan for his success; people who can help us facilitate medical needs; people who can help us give him some special times and support; people who can give us support and respite; his current foster family... the list goes on.

I am overwhelmed by all the acronyms:  DHS and CSS and foster CW and kinship CW and GAL and SAFY and IEP and FUM and I promise you I have not even touched the surface.  It's all my brain will allow at this moment.

I am overwhelmed by what still needs to be done in our home.  We are in the process of decluttering and downsizing in an effort to move our only begotten son to the spare bedroom in the basement and prepare his bedroom for Charlie upstairs.  (I thought it would be rude to say, "Yes, Charlie, come live with us, two floors down in the basement."  It seems very under-the-stairs to me, like The Boy Who Lived.)

I am overwhelmed by the training we received and yet I still fill ill-equipped to take this on.  I am trusting God on that, since He's the One Who brought us here, while compiling a reading list and resource list to follow-up on when I can breathe again.

On a beautiful note, I am overwhelmed with all the affirmation, confirmation, and encouragement we have received.  I don't believe we have had a single critical comment.  Some puzzled and surprised reactions, sure, but it's all good and has been generally very positive.

Thank you for allowing me to get all of this out of my brain so that I could move on.

I actually started to tell you about Charlie's caseworker, who called us about 10 days after Starfish Day.  We spoke briefly on the phone, and were able to meet with her and her supervisor the following week to give us an overview of Charlie's history, including his strengths and his challenges.  I mention it for three reasons. 

First, remember how we came to know about Charlie?  One of the things that his profile said was that it was important that he maintain ties with his biological family.  We were encouraged by that, knowing that we attend the same church as the Weasleys... and were excited that Charlie and his brother would be able to - at some point - see each other regularly.  That said, when we mentioned that in the initial meeting, the supervisor interjected, "That can't happen!"  Whoa.  Well, apparently the last time the boys had a visit (over 7 months ago), they both had some inappropriate behaviors following the meeting, and from what I understand, neither foster family wanted to go down that road again, and therefore cut off their visits.

This is an area you could pray for specifically, as it brings up a lot of questions:  Is it okay to do some hard things initially to have long-term benefits?  (Mrs. Weasley and I are hopeful that this will be allowed... we aren't excited about it but are willing to deal with some ugly stuff in order for them to heal, rather than to ignore it all.  Does that make sense?  And of course we will work carefully with all the people involved, especially therapists.)  On a practical note, how will we do church, especially in the beginning?  We love our church and certainly don't want to leave.

Second, this was the first time we got to hear much of Charlie's history.  It was shocking, to be honest, seeing right there in black and white what kind of abuse this little guy has suffered.  It gnawed at me for days.  I would soon find out that there was even more to come.  But it was tough to see and hear.  I think it's important not to share those details here.  I pray that you just knowing that this young boy has known greater trauma in his first 5 years than most of us will ever experience in our lives will give you a compassion for him that the knowledge has given us.  He didn't ask for any of this.  He is an innocent child who bad things have happened to, much as Sirius Black once said to Harry Potter.

Finally, Charlie's (and, by the way, George's; one caseworker is assigned to the family) caseworker was new at that meeting, which is why her supervisor attended.  And last week, we found out that she is being reassigned and we will get a new caseworker for him soon.  The Weasleys said that this is the fifth caseworker in the last six months.  I find that a bit disheartening, but just learning what I've learned in the last couple of months, I think being a caseworker in this very flawed system has to take a lot out of you.  I think it takes a special person to do it, particularly for any length of time, and not become a robot who stops feeling.  Anyway, we haven't met the new one yet.

Also in August we attended our Foster Care Orientation and got the ball rolling on our training, although that wouldn't start for a month still! 

Isn't it funny, sometimes, how radically life can change in a mere month?