I had me an epiphany...

These are a shadow of the things to come,

but the substance belongs to Christ.

Colossians 2:17 esv

Beginning the very afternoon that Christianne flew to Great Lakes, Robert and I made sure to have our phones constantly at our sides, always charged.  We had learned that we would never know when she might call, and even though we were told to not expect a call for several weeks, we still hoped for one every day. 

(Although we also hoped NOT to have one, as we were told that "no news is good news."  Such a strange dichotomy.)

And beginning just a few days later ~ although we knew better ~ we began to watch the mail for anything from our daughter.

It took about a week to receive our "kid in a box" and form letter detailing her address and all that good stuff.  From that point on, we became obsessive (okay, honestly, I will go ahead and throw him under the bus:  ROBERT became obsessive) about checking the mail, two / three / four times a day, always in hopes of receiving a letter from our Nina. 

Those letters were treasures!  Sometimes we would gather Grace and Josh together and read them aloud.  Sometimes it would just be Ro and I when they arrived and we'd huddle together on the couch to "spend time" with our girl.  She is such a great writer, and her voice came through the page and it felt like she was right beside us.  She would share her frustrations and challenges, her questions and concerns, and funny stories that made us laugh out loud.  A day that ended with a letter from Chris was a mighty fine day indeed.

Last Monday ~ what a blessing last Monday was to us, because, as you know, we got to go pick up our sweet girl from the airport and bring her home.  (It is bittersweet, for sure, because as much as we longed to have her home, we would have rather missed her as she finished her training in Great Lakes.  Knowing that she is planning to re-enlist, however, makes it okay.  For now, she is with us, and we are grateful.)

Last Monday we picked up our girl and hung out at the mall... Our girl needed some retail therapy as she was having withdrawals from not having worn makeup or jewelry for the past 35 days.  She shopped, she laughed, she shared, she smiled, and I couldn't take my eyes off her.  Was she different?  She seemed the same?  Taller?  Heavier?  Was that really my girl in those grown-up Navy sweatpants with the 50-pound backpack on her back?  She hadn't been in training for the past three weeks, so I didn't really expect her to be different, yet I just couldn't stop staring at her.  She's my girl.  She was home.

We enjoyed a fantastic dinner (did she eat that much before she left?) and headed home.  It was a good day, but a long one.  Everyone settled in ~ Grace getting ready for bed; Josh doing homework; Chris checking out her "compartment," newly dusted and vacuumed and with her "rack" already made, no doubt enjoying the fact that she was the only one in it.  Ro went down to check the mail, and we had letters.  Letters from Chris!

He told me about the letters and set them on the table.  We got busy with getting ready for bed and such, and eventually went to bed ourselves.  We were into the early afternoon of the next day before I realized we hadn't even opened the letters!

It struck me right then... the letters that we longed for, that we looked forward to over the past several weeks... the letters were just shadows of our girl... The letters were a wonderful way to stay connected to our daughter... but they weren't our daughter at all.  Once our daughter was home, the letters, although still enjoyed and treasured ~ the letters just didn't mean the same.  We didn't need the letters anymore.  We had Chris!

Are you familiar with what the Bible teaches about the shadows of things that merely point to Jesus?  The Feasts the Israelites observed were shadows (Colossians 2).  The Law was a shadow (Hebrews 10:1).  Jesus is the true and better Adam, the true and better Abraham, the true and better Moses, the true and better David, the true and better saving ark, the true and better sacrificial Lamb.  All of those things ~ and more ~ point to Jesus the way those letters pointed to Chris:  but the true and better Jesus is, well, truer and betterer!

We have Jesus. 

Just ponder that thought for a moment; let it sink in.  We have Jesus. 

We have Jesus.

Nod to Timothy Keller / Porterbrook re "true and better"

My girl is home

And it's been a pretty awesome week.

 

Doesn't she look amazing?

 

Yeah, I know.  Josh is weird.

 

Took the younger Wigglets out of school to meet our Future Sailor at the airport.  What was the first thing she wanted to do?  Go shopping for make-up.  We spent awhile at the mall, had a great dinner, and headed home. 

 

My heart is happy.

 

 

{I apologize for not being on this past week.  I don't want you to think I've flaked out again on blogging.  What I've realized over the past several months is how good blogging is for me, and I enjoy hearing back from you readers as well.  That said, my netbook at home doesn't like to blog much, so when it allows me to, I can't post pictures and it uses funky formatting.  SO... now you know.}

45 more hours

I can't remember how old I was when I bought my first 33 1/3 rpm LP at Gemco, on Avenue K in Lancaster, but I remember the record section of that store (actually I have a lot of memories of that store), and I remember what it was:

Shaun Cassidy, Born Late.

The record came out in 77, but I'm sure I was older than 8 years old when I bought it, I believe, with my own money.  Like 12 or so.  And I remember listening to it after I had my own bedroom (which was formerly my mom's and dad's, until they build the room addition).

Isn't it weird how you can recall lyrics to songs you haven't heard in years and years and years?

I'm listening to it now, actually, thanks to modern technology and the wonders of the world wide web.

But there's one song from this album ("Carolina's Comin' Home) that has actually been in my head all week.  Change the name of the girl in the song to Christianne, and the chorus is just about perfect:

Christianne is comin' home, she wrote me a letter

Asked me if I loved her or did I forget her

Nearly broke my heart when I said good-bye and kissed her

Christianne is comin' home, I know that I missed her

We have heard more from her in the last two days than we have in the 32 since we've seen her.  What a gift.  Today we actually got a normal conversation, rather than a quick, informational brief.  This journey has been crazy.  I'm not sure where God will take us from here, but for now, I am sure glad that in about 45 more hours, I'll be able to wrap my arms around my baby girl and hold her tight.

Humbled, buoyed, and blessed

It is crazy to think that it has been nearly two weeks since we've heard that Chris is being sent home, and nearly four weeks since she's been gone in all.  This military machine is bigger than I can understand, composed of millions of parts, and movement, therefore, is small and slow.  Did that make sense to you?  It did to me.  It means we are still waiting, still trying to be patient.

I have been ~ nay, WE have been ~ comforted in many ways in the past two weeks.  We still have our moments of full-on emotional brokenness, much of which I think will be healed when we can finally wrap our arms around our daughter and remind her face to face (perhaps reminding ourselves, too) that it really is going to be okay.

Two different friends recently reminded me that

... the God of all comfort,

Who comforts us in all our affliction,

so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction,

with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God...

2 Corinthians 1:3b-4 esv

... that God comforts us.  We have found comfort in a myriad of Scripture verses shared with us; we have been comforted by so many friends who have reached out to us; we find comfort in knowing that many more people across several states have lifted our family up in prayer.  I have been ministered to by music (most recently Mandisa's "Stronger" and Steven Curtis Chapman's "Glorious Unfolding" ~ you should definitely check them out if unfamiliar, especially if you are in a time of difficulty) on the radio and music that lifted my heart in worship.  I have been encouraged by messages both preached from the pulpit and taught among a few hundred other people.

When you stop to think about it, it's actually quite amazing, really.

I will share that, based on the few letters we have received, I am not sure that Chris is feeling the same level of comfort.  I will humbly ask that you will "turn up" your prayers for her especially.  She is very alone, despite being in a barracks with over 100 other girls.  She has been attending chapel and praying... but I am praying that God will send a supernatural peace to envelop her so that she can not doubt His presence with her.

Recently I shared how worshiping God in a time of broken heartedness really drew me close to Him.  I was reminded that this week when I read some thoughts of Charles Spurgeon.  He calls it contemplation of the Godhead; I call it worship.  Regardless, check it out:

No subject of contemplation will tend

to more humble the mind, than thoughts of God...

But while the subject humbles the mind, it also expands it...

Oh, there is, in contemplating Christ, a balm for every wound;

in musing on the Father, there is a quietus for every grief;

and in the influence of the Holy Ghost, there is a balsam for every sore.

Would you lose your sorrow?  Would you drown your cares?

Then go, plunge yourself in the Godhead's deepest sea;

be lost in His immensity;

and you shall come forth as from a couch of rest,

refreshed and invigorated.

I know nothing which can so comfort the soul;

so calm the swelling billows of sorrow and grief;

so speak peace to the winds of trial,

as a devout musing upon the subject of the Godhead.

(Charles Spurgeon via Knowing God/JI Packer, p.18)

 

My friend lost a child once, a few years ago.  I didn't know her then; in fact, it happened almost a year to the day before I met her.  She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, who then went home to Jesus just days after her birth due to a heart condition.  She came through that heartbreaking event feeling, as she puts it often, "humbled, buoyed, and blessed."

 

That phrase has stuck with me over the years that I've known her.  And certainly, separation from the Navy is nothing compared to the death of a child.  But that feeling, I can recognize it now.  It's a feeling of knowing that you're being carried in the arms of Jesus, supported by other believers who, flawed though they may be, hold you up in love and comfort.  What an amazing blessing that is, and people who don't know the Lord don't have it nor will they understand it.  I'm praying that Chris will feel it, too.

 

This friend ... I should tell you more about her some day because she made an amazing impact on my life in such a short time.  But today I'm just going to embrace that phrase of hers, because it's exactly how I am feeling right now as well:

 

Humbled.  Buoyed.  And blessed.

Mom didn't get the joke

Over the summer a family joke was begun by Joshua and is heard at our house just about every day.  "Good news, everyone.  Grace got the joke!" or, "Bad news, everyone. Mom didn't get the joke."

Unfortunately, this week we had some bad news, and even more unfortunate than that, there was no joke to get.

Christianne is being processed out of the Navy due to medical issues. 

It has been a heartbreaking few days since we got the news on Wednesday afternoon.  There is a lot of pain, disappointment, discouragement, and confusion ~ even some anger.  I am mostly confused because I just really believed God was in this plan for her.  Why take her so far to send her home now?

Funny enough, Robert sent me a devotional on Tuesday based on this verse.

He is not afraid of bad news.

Psalm 112:7 esv

And when I woke up on Wednesday, I had a knot in my belly all day that felt like anxiousness, even though I didn't think I felt particularly anxious.  Bad news, everyone.  Mom didn't get the joke. 

It was Christianne who called that afternoon. Imagine it.  Such excitement to see a Chicago number show up on my caller ID...  such excitement to hear her sweet voice say, "Hi, Mom."  And then a feeling like being punched in the gut as she told us the news.

It was a crazy 24 hours.  We have been trying to process all of it, as I am sure she is.  Many tears were shed ~ are still being shed.

On Thursday, I headed to Bible study.  A familiar song came on the radio ~ "After All" ~ and I felt compelled to just turn the volume all the way up (I'm an old fogey and I rarely like my music loud) and worship Him.  A second song came on and I did the same.  By the time I got there, although I was still very emotional, I felt a peace come over me.

Someone (it might have been Angie Smith) once said (after hearing news that her child wasn't going to live) something to the effect of, "The God I worshipped before I heard this news is the same God right now after knowing this."

God is still God.

On Thursday, she called again while I was at Bible study.  Ro spoke to her this time, and said she sounded better.  That said, she might remain in Great Lakes up to 20 business days!  Wow.  Hoo-stinking-yah.

But during the study, God brought another verse to my mind.

Though He slay me, I will hope in Him.

Job 13:15a esv

This morning, as I thought about that initial devotional Robert sent me, I looked up the actual verse.  In its entirety, it says:

He is not afraid of bad news;

His heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

Psalm 112:7 esv

So there you have it.  I am confused and hurt and about a hundred other emotions, but... BUT... God is still God, and I will still hope in Him.  I will still trust in Him with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding.

God is still God.  He is still the same God. 

Navy boot camp fun facts

(Yes, yes I did:  I put the words fun and boot camp into the same phrase.)

To get from Camp Moffett to Camp Porter at RTC, recruits march under the main road through a tunnel singing verse one of "Anchors Aweigh."  They sing the second verse when they go from Camp Porter to Camp Moffett.

Each division generally contains 88 Seaman Recruits.  Each division trains with a brother division, so by the end of boot camp, our SR should know very well nearly 200 new people.  In Christianne's training group, there are 9 divisions, so her graduation will have up to 792 sailors.

Barracks at RTC are named after ships.  Christianne is housed in Ship 11, also known as USS Kearsarge, which is actually named after four ships (which are in turn named after Mount Kearsage in New Hampshire).  The first was a sloop of war from the Civil War era.  The second was a battleship (BB-5) that served in both the first and second world wars.  Two aircraft carriers also shared the name, though the first (CV-12) was renamed USS Hornet; the other (CV-33) served in the Korean and Vietnam wars.  A Wasp-class amphibious assault ship (LHD-3) currently bears the name.

American hero Danny Dietz (Lone Survivor) was sworn in to the United States Navy from the same MEPS center in Denver in which Christianne was sworn.  His parents donated his medals to the MEPS and the ceremony room where recruits take their oaths is now dedicated to him.  Pat Tillman was also sworn in at the same MEPS.

(I'm not sure why that picture won't come out any larger.  Sorry.  I will work on editing it so if you'd like to see it better, be sure to check back.)

This video is a little long (24 minutes or so) but is a wonderful overview of what boot camp is like:  Faces of Boot Camp.  Definitely worth the time.

Hooyah! 

It's only been 11 days?

It feels like it has been several weeks, at least!

Christianne ordered each of us a gift to be received after she arrived at boot camp.  Each gift was perfect for each one of us.  The Wigglets were first.  Joshua got a Lego minifigure of a Sailor.  Grace got a Navy camo uniform for her American Girl doll, complete with boots and hat.

A few days later, Robert got a t-shirt.  It says, "The only thing tougher than a Sailor is her dad."  I think he wore it four days before he finally took it off.  (And now he is wearing his other Navy t-shirt.)

Grace said, "Let me get this straight.  I got a gift, Josh got a gift, and Dad got a gift.  Everyone got a gift but you."  Typical DiMeglio comment. 

But mine came Thursday, and it means so much to me it almost hurts.  It is a beautiful silver necklace with an anchor, her birthstone, and her name.  This isn't the best pic because of the lighting, but you should see how beautiful it is.

Yesterday I spent the day going through all the things Christianne had decided she no longer wanted when she cleaned out her room.  It was bittersweet.  Lots of memories among these things.  It just made me miss her that much more, I think, but I am so proud of this kid and what she will do. 

I just sit here, though, and think about her.  I try to imagine what she is doing at this moment.  It's cooler there than it is here right now (it has been very similar every time I've checked).  Is she at lunch?  Is she wearing her PT clothes?  Have they issued her cammies yet?  Have they issued her a jacket?  (It's only 55 degrees there right now, and rainy.)  Did they give her several pairs of chonies?

I wish they had webcams at RTC.  But then I would probably NEVER get a thing done.  But wouldn't it be cool? 

We are already beginning to make travel plans for her graduation.  After all, we only have 7 more Fridays!  At least football has begun to help pass the time.  Go Broncos!

... and He will make straight your paths.

Many of you have received this update by text; sorry then if much of this is duplicate information.

You know, by end of day Tuesday, I was beginning to feel a little hopeful that the Lord had worked out the medical issue, since we had not heard back from RTC.  As every hour passed, I had this strange dichotomy of emotions ~ that A) no news was good news, but B) the military can be very slow and waiting is part of the process.  So, as I would begin to feel hope, I would also get a nauseous knot in my gut every time Robert's phone would ring.

But, after two full business days now, we have heard nothing more from the RTC.

I hesitated to write this post yesterday, because of {B}, above.  I asked the Lord if He had answered my prayer.  I didn't want to announce that God had answered, only to be disappointed if a call did come.  Again, He simply brought to mind Proverbs 3:5-6, and I was reminded that in those moments of doubt and hesitation, I was not fully trusting Him.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6 esv

So, today, I am trusting that He HAS made her path straight.  I am believing that when the Navy says, "No news is good news," that the waiting game of the past six days has resulted in exactly that ~ good news.  I am trusting in Him and believing that He has answered our prayer.

To God be the glory, great things He has done!

Week 1 at RTC

Yesterday was an eventful day in the life of the parents of our Seaman Recruit.

 

It was the first business day following the long Labor Day weekend.  Christi's neurologist from that incident a couple of years ago returned our call and let us know he was in the process of faxing his medical statement and records to the RTC.  We have not been called again by the RTC since their initial call on Friday, so we are trusting that everything is okay.  Over and over we are told that no news is good news. 

 

Shortly after his call, we received The Box.  If you read the article about what happens in the first 24 hours at RTC, you know about this.  We had expected it and prepared for it, but it still made me a little emotional.  It contained her clothes, including the cute little "Navy seal" t-shirt she had just bought at the Aquarium (it says "Nautical but Nice"), her shoes, her Navy backpack and toiletries, and sadly, her wallet.  It had been emptied, and I was disappointed to find out that the one we were sure met their criteria was rejected.  The little note of encouragement I had slipped in her wallet was in The Box as well.  :(

 

BUT we were greatly encouraged later that evening to receive The Form Letter!  I knew it would come soon, but not knowing if the medical issue had delayed her processing, I wasn't expecting it quite this soon.  The Letter contains her expected PIR (Pass in Review, ie, graduation) date ~ 10/30 ~ and her mailing address, and it was addressed in her newly-learned block printing.  :)  This morning Robert and I went to the post office together to mail her our first letters.

 

Since I haven't heard from her directly yet, I do not know where exactly she is in her training, but I kind of suspect that her actual training week began this week.  (The first several days are called P-days, or processing days, and the number of them can vary depending on the number of incoming recruits and divisions formed.)  She also did not get holiday routine for Labor Day. :(

 

These are some of the things I've found she will be encountering during Week 1 of her training.  It would be awesome for you to pray specifically for her as she masters these new challenges.

~  Learning how to fold and make bunks the Navy way.  Bunk and locker drills.  Inspections.

~  Physical training begins.  Physical fitness pre-test will be taken at the end of the week.  (Pray specifically for strength and no blisters!)

~  DEP advancement test.  This is an optional test that she can take if she chooses (we have encouraged her to, but she was not confident she would pass) which would immediately bump up her pay grade.  It covers everything from ranks, types of ships and aircraft, and more; all of this information was given to her in a folder she has been studying from since she signed up.

~  Further medical tests, including vision, dental, blood work, urinalysis, vaccinations, etc.

~  Further stamping of all personal belongings and clothing with her name and last four digits of her SSN

~  Studying and lectures from the Training Guide.

~  Sunday will be holiday routine from 0700 to 1300.  She can attend chapel, write letters, practice or study what she needs to, and rest.  Following that time, they must clean their compartments, have dinner, and attend more lectures.


Eight more Fridays ~ 50 days until we see our girl again.

Source:  navydep.com

In all your ways, acknowledge Him...

On Monday the 31st, we drove Chris to the recruiter's.  They took her to Denver and checked her into a hotel.  We ended up meeting up with her down there and got to spend the afternoon and evening with her.  It was really nice and relaxing ~ we went to the nearly empty Downtown Aquarium, had dinner at the Hard Rock Café, walked around the 16th Street Mall a bit, and finished up with desert at Yard House which is inside her hotel lobby.


But let me back up a minute, because just minutes after she checked into the hotel, God blessed her.  Or us.  Or both.  As she was checking in, another young lady was checking in as well.  Turns out this girl would be her roommate for the night.  She, too, was shipping out the next day, and she, too, would be doing CTI.  That's pretty amazing, frankly.  In northern Colorado, Chris didn't know anyone else shipping the same day, and she had yet to meet another CTI.  This girl was from Alamosa, and, assuming everything goes normally over the next two months, they will go through boot camp and then on to Monterey together.


Tuesday was a tough day.  It was a lot of waiting at the MEPS, and waiting, especially for something like this, tends to cause anxiousness.  We arrived around 9 as we were told her swearing in would be around 10, yet it actually didn't happen until noon.  Still, those hours next to our clearly nervous little girl who didn't get much sleep the night before were precious to us.


Obviously it was hard to tell her good-bye.  I am told that she will be a different person when we next see her at graduation from boot camp, all for the better.  I am looking forward to seeing her mature and, I pray, gain confidence in herself.  I have a general idea of what happens each week in boot camp, and I will share as it comes up.  Right now she is still in "processing" as far as I know, and her actual training has not yet begun.  Although it may have.  I really don't know!


{Here's a creepy thing I wish was available.  I wish the military would let the recruits sign up on some sort of website that would allow us parents to check in and just see their status - where they are at in processing or training, etc.  Just knowing that simple piece of information would set my mind to much greater ease.}


This is an excellent article on what happens the first day at Recruit Training Command.  It also adds to the significance of the following details, I think, because if you read it, you will find that recruits do not to get to sleep until their second night there.


Okay, here's where the story gets good again.  :)  Are you ready for this?


On Wednesday morning, I woke up, and Robert asked me how I slept.  I said, "All right, although I woke up a lot.  Must've been 6 or 7 times.  Each time, I just rolled over, said a prayer for Christianne, and fell right back to sleep.  How about you?"


He said he experienced the exact same thing.


Came downstairs to find Mom sitting on the porch.  I asked her how she slept.  She said she kept waking up all night, but each time, she would just pray for Chris and go back to sleep.


Isn't that amazing?  I felt like our baby girl was covered in prayer all night long.  She wasn't allowed to sleep, and we were able to support her throughout the night by lifting her up.  On the way to the airport, Mom and I were talking about it again, and Mom said that it was like when the two guys had to hold up Moses's arms while the Israelites were in battle:

So Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought with Amalek,

while Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill.

Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed,

and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed.

But Moses's hands grew weary,

so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it,

while Aaron and Hur held up his hands,

one on one side, and the other on the other side.

So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.

And Joshua overwhelmed Amalek and his people

with the sword.

Exodus 17:10-13

Even better ~ when I shared this story with my friend the next day, she too, told me that she was up at 4:30 in the morning with Chris on her heart, and was praying for her at that time as well.  I figure that was about the time I finally settled into some good sleep, and it encouraged my heart to know that others were also praying for her as she worked her way through the processing system at RTC.


Many, many people are praying for her, even today.  I dare say maybe even a hundred!  It is humbling and amazing and fills my heart with joy all at the same time.  God has her.  She is His, and I can trust Him.

His

I am writing this on Saturday, September 4.  I am not sure when I will post it.

It has been an insane week, folks.

You know, you become a mom for the first time... you figure things out.  You eventually settle into a groove, where, although you don't know everything, you are confident in your ability to figure it all out.  You add a second child, a third... there are challenges here and there of course, but after 19 years go by you think you've got this parenting thing figured out.

As Chris began her journey into the Navy just last June, there was so much to process.  I spent many hours on a wonderful website called Navy for Moms, where I gleaned a ton of information and found a great deal of support.  I was about as ready as I could be for her to go into the military.  I knew what would happen for our final good-byes; I knew about The Box that would be sent home a few days later; I knew things that even Chris didn't know.  I am very grateful.  As you know, I like to know things.

But do you know what never occurred to me?  What 19 years of motherhood had NOT prepared me for?  My first little bird leaving the nest.

I mean, if things go the way we plan, except for visits, she's not coming back.

I don't know why this failed to occur to me.  It didn't occur to me when she cleaned out her room a couple of weeks before, loading bags of items to be donated or passed down into my room to deal with.

I mean, I knew it.  I just didn't get it.

After 19 years of parenting, after potty training and school-beginnings and adolescence and proms, after drama and busy-ness and teaching, after scrapes and bruises and a couple of broken bones, after camping trips and non-camping trips and new houses and new friends and new church families, after some tears and even more laughter... I was not prepared for this.

On the day that Christianne was born, my water had broken early that morning and we got ready to go to the hospital.  As Robert worked with getting the car seat installed in our Geo Metro (why didn't we figure that out beforehand?), I gathered my things up and I had this realization that I have never forgotten:  We were leaving there as a family of two, and when we returned, we would be a family of three.

That's how it was this week letting her go, only in reverse.  August 31 began with five of us.  It ended with only four.

The past couple of months have been a bit surreal - we had our last camping trip together, our last day of church, our last dinner as a family.  It seems kind of somber, and it was, but it was a good thing, too, in that it made us intentional about knowing that our time was short.  What a blessing to know that - to be able to mark memories as they happen. 

I heard this week about a man who lost his young son in a drowning accident.  I have a friend who lost her young adult son in a motorcycle accident, and another whose son was killed in a train wreck.  How thankful I have been to at least know that our time together was coming to an end... for now at least.

I have to acknowledge that we are in a time of uncertainty.  You probably know that Christianne's processing is on hold until they can resolve a medical issue from a couple of years ago.  As much as I wish she were still here, I don't want her to be here!  :)  I believe that God has been in this plan from the beginning, but even if I was wrong and this isn't for her, I believe that He holds her, and He has her best interests at heart.  He has plans for her ~ a plan for her welfare and not for evil, a plan to give her a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11)!

I am praying.  I am choosing to trust.  Every time I have a moment of panic I am claiming Proverbs 3:5-6 as my own:  I *will* trust in the Lord with all my heart.  I will *not* lean on my own understanding.  In all my ways I *will* continue to acknowledge Him, and HE WILL make straight our paths.

I want to be like Miss Clara.  (Go see War Room.)  I want to cover my daughter in prayer and trust God. 

I have another vivid recollection from the day I brought Christianne home from the hospital.  We were renting a little tiny guest house on the back of a farmer's property at the time.  It was so quiet out there, but very small.  I rocked Christianne in my new rocker in this back bedroom that was mostly used for storage, and I prayed.  I thanked God for this child, and for the love that filled my heart for her that was more intense than anything I'd ever known.  I was thinking about how God gave up His only Son for us ~ and I couldn't comprehend it.  I asked Him, "Please, don't ever ask me to give up my daughter."

Selfish.  Understandable, perhaps.  As a parent, what on earth could hurt us more than losing a child?  I can't imagine anything.  But I have had a peace over the past week that has helped me to let her go a bit ~ an unshakeable knowledge that she is not mine, but His.  As much as I love her, He loves her more.  As much as I want to fix things, He CAN fix things.  As much as I want this for her, He wants what's best for her, which is something I may not even know.

So, during this long holiday weekend, we wait.  It would be very unlikely that we hear anything this weekend anyway, and we are praying that we hear nothing on Tuesday, or Wednesday, or Thursday as well.  No news is good news, they tell us.  I will be like Dory from Finding Nemo and I will just keep swimming.  The emotions that we have dealt with over the past seven days have been nothing short of overwhelming ~ fear, sadness, pure joy, delight, pride ~ but I am thankful that I have the King of Peace to hold us as we wait and see what happens next.

Chatanooga

The past few weeks have been different.  Chris has been different at times, too, I think.  In some ways, she already seems more mature, more confident.  (I can't imagine how much more so she will be after she graduates from boot camp.) She has a plan now, a direction.  It is exciting.  And it is bittersweet.  Our time with her is short.  Of course we will see her... but it will be different.  Our child is becoming an adult.  She will be out in the world, off on her own, and life... changes.

All of us ~ Chris, Ro, me, family and friends ~ all of us believe 100% this is a great thing.  Chris would be working in the intelligence field, and it would be highly unlikely she would ever see combat.  What more does a parent wish for their child than their safety first and foremost? 

And then, Chatanooga.

There are news items every day that make me shake my head, make me long for heaven, make me tired of this world.  At times it is overwhelming and I just shut down.  I stay "just informed enough" by reading headlines.  But sometimes you can only bury your head in the sand for so long.  Other things happen.  Things that break your heart.  Things that hit close to home.  Things that jar you back to reality.

Like Chatanooga.

The fact that it was our military that was attacked.

The fact that it was on American soil, in a typical American city.

The fact that it was at a recruiting center.

It's hitting too close to home.  It sickens me.

Chris meets with her recruiters weekly for check-ins, physical training, etc.  Last week they couldn't meet at the office.  They couldn't wear their Navy t-shirt and hats and such when they got together.  It's that reality check that sucks sucks sucks.

Lord, what is going on? 

 

Petty officer Randall Smith, USN

Staff sergeant David Wyatt, USMC

Gunnery sergeant Thomas Sullivan, USMC

Lance Corporal Squire K ("Skip") Wells, USMC

Sergeant Carson Holmquist, USMC

Thank you for your service.

 http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/17/us/chattanooga-tennessee-marines-killed/

 

Seeing God in this

Once in awhile, God will give me a little aha! moment that will serve to confirm something to me, to help me understand something, or help me see Him a little more clearly.

I had two of those moments recently that I believe showed me how God has been directing this child's life to move in this direction for years now, even though joining the military had never before even crossed our minds.

Not too long after Chris took that DLAB, I was thinking about it and her aptitude for languages.  I don't know where she picked up such a passion for it, or even when exactly it began.  She began learning Spanish in middle school, so it must have been some time after that when she decided to teach herself Finnish. 

What I was reminded of was that ~ what? ~ 15 years ago, before Christianne even began kindergarten, she had taught herself how to read.  We, of course, taught her letters and sounds, but she is the one who learned to piece together various blends and sounds and she was reading Junie B Jones chapter books before she started school.  That is, she had an aptitude for interpreting alphabet patterns and applying them to language even at that young age.

I know this sounds like all I've done is brag about Christianne.  I really don't mean it that way.  I mean, of course, I am proud, but this is bigger than Christianne's accomplishments.  It shows me that God had a hand in her development for this moment!  It reminds me that God IS in control of it all, that He is sovereign, and that He IS intimately and individually involved in our lives.  It is a gift when he allows us to step back from what is going on around us and see the bigger picture of what HE is doing!

Now the second moment may seem a little silly but it makes my heart smile.

Back in middle school, Chris established her first email account.  She was, momentarily, interested in all things related to the ocean and was thinking one day she might want to be a marine biologist.  She created her account name with a cutesy little middle school flair:  sealifeluvr.  For whatever reason, she has never changed it.  Even though it's spelled like a teeny bopper would spell it.  Even though she has had no desire to go into marine biology for 6 or 7 years now.  All this time she kept her account the same.

So I was thinking the other day about it and about her current path.  The Navy *is* sea life.  Granted, she may not spend much time on the sea given her rate, and it is way too soon to know if she will love it, but it made me smile to think that even though her email name hasn't changed, its meaning sure has.  I hope it's prophetic, too.  I hope it's a sign that she will fall in love with her career and feel blessed and grateful that she has made the decision to become a Sailor.  I hope she will be a true Sea Life Lover.

Oh!  One more thing... remember back when this story began (or at least the Navy portion of Chris's story)?  It started with one short conversation with a woman that I haven't seen since, a conversation that I didn't even think much of at the time.  I couldn't even recall her name for some time.  Look how God's fingerprints are all over this.  It's amazing.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,

plans for welfare and not for evil,

to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11 esv

What she'll do

 

Enlistment Day, June 23, 2015

 

Trip #3 to MEPS

The next day ~ Monday, June 22 ~ Chris found her wallet, got everything squared away, and headed back to Denver to take the DLAB.

I'm sure by now her recruiters scratched their heads a bit with this kid.  Sweet as can be, punctual and responsible, but in her own little world at times.  Although I have to say I can't blame her for the first MEPS mishap ~ if they'd communicated better, that issue would have been resolved before she'd left.  Anyway, she headed back to the recruiter's office / back to Denver that Monday afternoon with a smile on her face.  I think she was a bit nervous, but also excited to be doing something.

Unlike the ASVAB, there is apparently little you can do to prepare for the DLAB.  It tests you on your aptitude to learn a foreign language well.  From the little information we could get from the recruiter and the internet, there are parts of made-up languages that you have to listen to and reason together with your intuitive knowledge of patterns and what you know from English (and foreign language) grammar.  We gathered a couple of tips here and there on the internet ~ mostly brush up on grammar, listen well (there's an audio portion), and get a lot of rest ~ but there are really no prep materials or practice tests out there.  (Christianne even had to sign a confidentiality agreement to not tell anyone ~ not even family ~ what is on that test.)

Again, the day rolled on as we hurried up and waited.  It was several hours before we heard from Chris.  The test itself was a couple of hours long, but she, too, had to hurry up and wait ~ wait to be called, wait for a computer, wait for this, wait for that.  It was a long time before she was able to get to her phone and call us.

Here's where her story gets really exciting to me.

In order for Christianne to be accepted into the language program in the United States Navy (the technical term for the field is cryptology), she would need to score 100 points on this test.  In order for her to get into one of the advanced language programs, she would need a 105, which is considered exceptional.

Chris scored a 125.

A 125.  Unbelievable.

No, I guess it isn't really unbelievable.  But it certainly is validating for this kid who has questioned her intelligence and worth for the past six years or so, for this kid who has been in the gifted and talented program since early elementary school but struggled to graduate from high school. 

I cried.  I really did.  It is just so ... validating.  I told her that even if this Navy path happened to end here, for whatever reason, this was a validation that she IS most certainly a talented, intelligent, amazing young lady with a gift for languages.

Chris said she got in the car with her recruiter after the test and he asked her what she scored.  She said, "125," and looked at him.  He raised his eyebrows and said, "I've never seen anyone score that high before."

She told us that someone at MEPS had told her that they'd only seen one score higher in that center, ever, and it was 140.

That's my kid.  That's MY kid!

Big sigh and release of a lot of tension:  She scored well on the ASVAB, and even better on the DLAB.  She was on her way.  They checked her into the hotel ~ this time she would actually stay ~ and got her some dinner.  She was scheduled for the medical part of processing at o-dark-thirty the next morning.

Her physical was uneventful.  Again, lots of waiting.  But she made it through fine, and got to sit down and process her paperwork.

A former Navy friend of ours had commented after he heard what she did on the DLAB, "She will be able to write her own ticket," in regards to her rating, or rate (job choice).  Well, lo and behold, the processing officer saw her scores and signed her right up for her first choice of rate ~ CTI (more on that later) ~ and informed her that they would love to have her sooner, if she didn't want to wait the six months that is typical in the Delayed Entry Program.  In fact, Smart One, sign right here, start right now, and oh yeah ~ we have a signing bonus for you!

So she did.  Well, not exactly right now, but soon.  Her ship date is September 1.  That part has been a little bit challenging on this mama's heart.  No last family Thanksgiving and Christmas together... two months to prepare instead of six... so many things to do, to prepare her, to prepare me... and just not enough time.

They swore her in and gave her lots of Navy swag.  Just in the few days following she seemed different to me:  more mature, happy, confident.  She has a plan, a direction, a contract, and a job.  A good job, an important job, and a job that will hopefully make her little polyglot heart happy.

Trip #2 to MEPS

The next few days were a jumble of hurdles to be crossed.  The recruiters began to push Chris to get in and sign up before taking that DLAB test (apparently it is not offered daily like the ASVAB) ~ they said, "Oh you can take that later and change your rate then!"  It was a few days of angst.  Our authority-pleasing girl was happy to be moving on in life and having a direction, but Ro and I were concerned that she might end up doing something she hated for at least the next four years.  We had to continue to remind her that although the recruiters are generally good ~ their goal is to sign her up.  OUR goal, on the other hand ~ was to help her secure the future that would be best for HER.

Phone calls, texts, pressure... eventually they said that she could go ahead as planned and take the DLAB and do the medical processing together before signing a contract.

On Father's Day, we went to church together, had a nice, if quiet, barbecue, and Chris went to work.  She had a closing shift, and her recruiters agreed to pick her up after work, even though it was late, and take her to Denver.  Again, she would be checked into a hotel and up before the sun for an early call for medical processing.

We drove her to work, making sure she had her overnight bag, the proper underwear (seriously!), her ID and SS card, all that.

Chris actually got off work a little bit early and they began the trek to Denver around 11pm.  Shortly after midnight we got a call from her ~ they were bringing her home.

They got all the way to the hotel to find that the hotel did not have her reservation, and, a bigger problem - Chris did not have her wallet with ID.

She had had it at work that day, so...?  (The next day it was found in her locker at work.  We aren't sure how she overlooked it but we were thankful it hadn't been stolen.)

Trip #2 - total bust.

Trip #1 to MEPS

Over the next few days, we did our homework: research all over the internet, and talking to anyone and everyone with military (especially Navy) experience.

Now, I know this can't be a universal truth, but we spoke with a LOT of people, and do you know what we found?  Not a single person regretted joining the military.  Sure, there are tough spots and it isn't necessarily entertaining, but the people we spoke with had no regrets.  That was incredibly encouraging to me.

Pretty much by the following week, Chris had made her decision to join.  She was driven by the recruiters to MEPS in Denver to take her ASVAB test.  (I will say one thing - the recruiter guys aren't the best at offering information and Chris is not particularly proactive at asking questions.  She went to the recruiting office not even knowing this was an overnight trip!  The family and I had to put together a quick overnight bag for another recruiter to come along and pick up on his way to Denver that afternoon.  Apparently the plan was for her to take the ASVAB that afternoon, stay overnight, do the medical processing and take the DLAB the next day.)

On our end, it was a long day of wondering what was going on.  I have since learned that the "hurry up and wait" proverb is particularly true of the military, and especially of MEPS.  It was several hours before someone picked up her bag (we rushed because we thought he was on his way at the time), and it was several hours before we heard from Chris.

By the time we did hear from Chris, it was to briefly tell us that she did well on the ASVAB (84th percentile), that she had a female roommate who was joining the Marines, and that she was in a panic because she could not get the cartilage piercing out of her ear.  She had gotten it a year before for and had never removed it, and at this point, it wasn't going anywhere.  She couldn't have any piercings in her body in order to do the medical processing.

A short time later, we began to become anxious as well, as we found out she was wandering the area of downtown Denver (it was night, ya'll) looking for someone to get this thing out of her ear.  She tried to find tattoo / piercing parlors, tried a regular ear piercing place ~ no success.  She even asked a hotel employee in the lobby to try to cut it out of her ear with scissors!  Bad idea!!!

Around 9pm, we got a call that her recruiter was bringing her home.  They simply wouldn't process her the next morning (and the wake-up call was like at 4:30am) with the piercing in her ear.  It didn't matter that she'd already checked into the hotel, that she'd had dinner there (on their dime) ~ she was coming home.

And when she arrived home, we spent about thirty seconds hugging her and being excited for her ASVAB score before her Aunt Deb walked in the room with a couple pairs of pliers.  And about 30 seconds after that, the piercing was out ~ quick and painless.  Maybe we should have simply driven down there and taken care of it ourselves...

Meeting the recruiters

As tax season was ending, there was a little lull in the busyness of work, and I had many hours where I was just paid to sit and think about things.  One of these things was the future.  (Weird to use a past tense verb when speaking about the future.)  Chris, also, was beginning to get a little antsy I think with not knowing how to transition into a real career, particularly in the language field.  She was (is) a great employee, but obviously working as a cashier at Panera wasn't what she wanted to do the rest of her life.

I challenged her to get online and do some research about the kind of job she would like.  We needed to have a goal before we could determine the best path to that goal, right?  What we found out was interesting, if not a little disappointing:  that most foreign language degrees lead to jobs in the teaching field.  Sure, there other opportunities to do translation and such, but those opportunities were limited, especially with a resume that only included schooling.

As we began to look in the direction of the military, what we found was exciting!  If Chris merely completes her Navy contract and does not even have her degree, her resume will be strong enough to transition directly and smoothly into a good job at that point, because of the experience and clearances she will have.  That said, she could also finish her degree (her Navy program should provide much of the groundwork for that, not to mention the financial aspect), and/or continue in the Navy long-term as a career.

We agreed that soon after tax season we would visit a Navy recruiter and a counselor at the community college just to gather information, and go from there.

It was quite the challenge to coordinate three schedules so that Ro and I could go with Chris to visit the recruiter the first day.  We managed ~ got in the car ~ drove up to Fort Collins ~ and there was no one there.  We had better success the following week.

I smile when I remember Christianne telling the recruiter that she wanted to go into languages.   He asked her what she could speak and she said, "Spanish."

"Yeah, we don't need Spanish."  Pause.  "We need Farsi and Mandarin."

"I don't speak those," she said, looking a little deflated.  (Like how many 19-year-old kids living in Fort Collins really do?)

He said, "Yeah, I know.  We'll teach you," and from there she perked right up at just the prospect of getting to learn another new language.

We spent quite awhile there with the recruiter and got a lot of information.  There were a few notes that were important for us to understand to moving forward:

• She would need to take an entry test for the military (ASVAB).
• She would need to take and do well on a language aptitude test (DLAB) to be able to get into the linguistic program.
• They would allow her to do the DLAB before joining the Navy so that if it wasn't a fit, she wouldn't be obligated to them to the next several years of her life.
• She would be in the Delayed Entry Program, and likely not go to boot camp until December or January.

You could see in her eyes how she was hooked.  I think if they had asked her, she would have signed up right there.  Of course Ro and I agreed ~ the benefits for her are wonderful.  BUT, we needed to consider other options and take it slow.  We needed to do our research.  After all, the recruiter's JOB is to get us in the Navy.  Our job is to make sure our daughter is protected and gets what she wants out of this.

We left and asked Chris if she wanted to go see the counselor at Front Range.  She said no.  I think we all knew that the traditional college path wasn't the best for her.  She just isn't that kid.  She will be in school in the Navy for sure ~ with every single class being relevant to the language she chooses.  No math, no science, no art, or PE.  She will get to eat, sleep, and breathe language.  And for her, that is heaven.

Story #1: About the child who made me a mom

So sweet Christianne came into this world as the perfect child.  She still is, for the most part.  Not quite as quiet and sweet as she used to be, not quite as obedient, but all around, she has been nothing short of a treasure for the 19 years she has been in our lives.

It's such a bittersweet time here these days.  I was pondering this morning about how nothing changed my life my more than becoming a mom, how nearly every day of the past 19 years has been spent hand-in-hand or at least side-by-side with my girl... and how that time is becoming shorter and shorter.

Our baby girl leaves home September 1st.

As life-changing as it was that first day in May of 1996 when we brought our daughter home, I suspect this new chapter in life will be life-changing as well.  Obviously it will be for her ~ everything about her life is about to change!  But even for us, adjusting to life without her... it will be strange.

Yet we are beyond excited and feel strongly this is the path the Lord has for her.  That is the story I want to share, because it's not just about another kid joining the military ~ this is the story of *our* kid joining the military. 

Last January I was working in the tax office.  We were open for business, but obviously there isn't much to do those early days of the year, except to get prepared for the season mostly by catching up on tax law changes and such.  We had a woman come in to the office that was a new hire (though not a new tax preparer) and she began to work on her requirements and such.  It turns out that she would end up working at a different office, and that was the only day I would actually ever see her.

As this woman was leaving ~ Karla ~ we were chitchatting about our families and such.  She is a Christian and she shared with me some of her ministry involvement, and talked about her family, and then of course asked me about mine.

I shared with her about Christianne ~ how she is beautiful and smart and has been working for the past year {Chris calls it her gap year} while she tries to figure out what to do with her life.  I told her how Christianne has this strange affinity for languages:  how she maxed out all the opportunities to learn Spanish at her high school and the community college before her senior year of high school; how she had a decent level of fluency in Finnish, entirely self-taught; how she taught herself enough German to test into German 2 her senior year of high school; and how she dabbled in some other languages here and there as well.

Karla had just shared with me that three of her four (I think) adult children were all serving in different branches of the military.  When I told her about Christianne's language skills, she said, "You really should check out the Navy!  They are looking for linguists!"

The Navy?  There's something I hadn't really thought about.  We weren't too excited about college for various reasons, but it seemed like the logical place to start.  The Navy?  Huh.

I came home, somewhat intrigued, and shared the story with Chris and Ro.  Ro was with me ~ we should at least get some more information.  But Chris was like: "Yeah.  NO."

And so the thought sat.  For the next several months.