All In

I can't believe we're at the end of July already. I'm way behind on my scrapbook goals (although I'm trying to catch up, little by little). We're on the downstretch of summer. The kids have their new backpacks full and ready to go. We need to pick up some more jeans and shoes and things like that, and they'll be back in school before we know it. We're headed into the fall, already... time for routines and cooler weather, and, if we're lucky, a little early Christmas shopping.

Yeah, I know - we still have August. :)

But August'll go by fast. We have a couple of day trips planned to check out a little more of our new state. Ro and I will be celebrating our 16th anniversary. (Whew, we're old.) We hope to be able to check out the County Fair and of course, the much anticipated Corn Roast Festival.

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So. I've been thinking. I'm not really sure what brought that on, but stay with me here. :) I've been thinking about my flaws. I know this will sound prideful, but I really think I have only one! Honestly, that's because the scope of this one thing is so broad that pretty much everything else falls under it.

(Please note I reserve the right to change the number of flaws I think I have as others may be brought to my attention, no doubt after reading all the comments this post may generate.)

My one and only flaw, however, does encompass many, many things. It is this:

I am ultimately a very selfish individual.

There are many categories and subcategories that fall under this flaw, but everything seems to come back to that.

I'm not really thrilled to have discovered this. But such is life, and it is what it is. What is that adage - admission is the first step in solving the problem.

However, the point of my post really doesn't even have much to do with how selfish I am, but something else I've realized about myself (that may or not be a sub-flaw related to the aforementioned supreme flaw in my life). I realized it sometime ago, actually, but only now am trying to do things differently. It is that I tend to be an all-or-nothing kind of girl.

It sounds good to me, actually... and sometimes it is a good motivation to get stuff done. But I've learned that it has become a stumbling block in so many areas of my life:

• Blew the diet by noon on the first day. Might as well eat everything in sight and start over on Monday.
• Can't seem to make a dent on these bills, so why bother? Let's go out to eat.
• I've only got 20 minutes and the house is a wreck. I don't have time to do it right, so I might as well go read a book. Or check my e-mail. Or post a blog.
• Not enough time to read the full 5 chapters of Deuteronomy I'd planned, so I might as well go read a book. Or check my e-mail. Or post a blog.

Yeah, well, the list goes on and on.

I've always perceived this as a lack of discipline and consistency in my life, and to some extent it is, but now I'm seeing it as more of an issue of this all-or-nothing mentality. When I don't have the time/energy/success at doing it all, I simply do nothing.

Robert and I just finished taking a budgeting course through our church. (By the way, I think a class like this should be required for people considering marriage - not done 16 years in!) A lightbulb went off for me in this course - that doing something is better than doing nothing.

Actually, quite a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. The expectation (even if set only by my self) to achieve things fully has been relaxed. I'm seeing that doing something is better than nothing - whether it's in eating habits, financial matters, Bible reading, exercising, moving out of my comfort zone, scrapbooking, housecleaning - anything. It is always better to do something than nothing.

Yeah, I know - duh. Sometimes it takes me awhile, though.

(I keep hearing a Yo Gabba Gabba song run through my mind right now - baby steps, baby steps... Ugh.)

So I'm trying to change. Instead of being all-or-nothing, I'm trying to be all-or-something.

How about you? Do you share that mentality, or do you think I'm just a freak? If you do, does it work for you? If you don't, how come you never told me this before?!